That Guy is Definitely Invited to my Birthday Party

There are millions of jobs across the world. Some people save lives, some people write books, some people drive buses, one guy dresses up like the statue of liberty and dances with a sign for his company. It really must be one of the worst jobs in America. Have you ever seen that commercial, I'm not sure what it is for, but some guy has to dress up like a spicy jalapeño and do some horrendous song and dance for his job. In the commercial, the guy quits in about thirty seconds. I don't blame him, you would too. However, the Statue of Liberty guy does not quit and nor does it look like he has any thoughts of quitting in the near future. If you were to drive past the intersection of Stevenson Lane and York Road in Towson right now this guy would make you smile. Hands down, guaranteed. Somehow despite having quite possibly one of the most dreadful jobs imaginable he is full of life. I mean it's probably warmer in Anchorage, Alaska right now and he couldn't be happier. Not only is he smiling but he is dancing, jumping up and down, waving to random cars. I honked my horn and waved at this man today and I truly think I made his day. If you gave a four year old kid a ballroom, an unlimited supply of candy, and Barney on High Definition he would not be as happy as this man was when I waved at him. Needless to say that guy is definitely invited to my birthday party. Can you imagine how much fun he would be at a party?

I'm about to start reading the book The Brave by Robert Lipsyte. Now, really I have no reason to read this book other than I was going through some old boxes, when I came about and realized I borrowed it nearly ten years ago from my neighbor at the time, Dan Nixon. I was supposed to read it on the way down to South Carolina, but I don't believe I ever even cracked the cover. Now, ten years later this book finds it's way back into my life. Hopefully, it's not real childish, that will piss me off, but at least I should read it quick. Anyways, I wonder what ever happened to ol' Dan Nixon. Several years before Dan lent me that book, he would sometimes watch my brother and I when our parents went out for a night. That kid was quite possibly the greatest baby sitter ever. Every time my parents left my brother and I in his control something went terribly wrong, but somehow my parents kept bringing him back. I remember once my neighbor Danny Hunter came over when Dan was babysitting us and we took nearly every piece of furniture in the house, moved them downstairs and had an all out war. I'm not joking. We used the pieces of furniture to make forts on both sides. This probably took us several hours. We completely gutted the basement, and all you could see was the two forts, with a small area in between. I made many forts when I was a kid, but these one's were by far the best. We had chairs on top of couches, fans on tops of desks, and blankets atop of everything. If we were in the mountains of Afghanistan, the Taliban would have trouble breaking into our barracks. After the forts were built, we began shooting our nerf guns, firing soccer balls, shoes, whatever we could find at the opposing team. I believe it was my brother and Dan against me and Danny. Next thing you know my parents are walking in there basement looks like a warzone and my brother has a black eye.
Another time he was babysitting me, I ended up taking a dare to see if I could ride a wheelie the whole way down our court. The thing that made this daring was I wasn't on your typical bike. I was using some sort of tricycle thingy that was designed for a toddler. Their was a three-year old who lived in the house next store and he left it out that night and I decided this was a good idea. Dan agreed. So I pop the wheelie and the next thing I know I'm flying face first through the air. I think I made it about 9 inches. My face was covered in blood and Dan said something like " Oh Shit." I went inside and washed my face off but the wound was quite evident. My parents weren't happy about that one either. But, I thought it was well worth all the trouble. Plus, I figured the cut would make me look kind of gangster when I returned to school. This one night there was a community adult party. So basically all the kids in the neighborhood had a babysitter that night. Once again my parents choose Dan. We were outside playing in the court and it got to be dark. However, while we were playing, Dan was preoccupied with Melissa Consindine, she lived down the street a few blocks He wanted to keep hanging out with her, so he told my brother, Danny, and I to do whatever the hell we wanted.I don't really blame him come to think of it, I ran into Melissa a few years ago at a Blockbuster and she is far prettier than I am. We went up the street to see what Luke Forand was doing. We knocked on Luke's door and found out that Luke had a responsible babysitter. Some old hag with glasses. Not just your average glasses though. This lady was wearing those glasses with a string attached to it, so you could put them around your head when you weren't wearing them. If you've ever seen the movie Mrs. Doubtfire, theres a scene where the mother is looking for babysitter's and this old nasty lady comes over to interview. Not only is she as old as dirt but shes a complete bore too. That was basically Luke's babysitter. We asked what Luke was doing and she said that he was in his room and wasn't supposed to have any visitors after ten-thirty. As were walking away from Luke's house, pondering our next move, Luke leans out the window and invites us to come play Twisted Metal 2. We explain to him the babysitter problem, and we get the genius idea to climb up his window to the second story. You could get to his second floor by standing on the front porch railing, than tiptoeing your way across the window ledge and hoisting yourself into the room. All is going well, I'm absolutely demolishing cars with my main man Axel, when we hear that annoying babysitter, coming up the steps. It's time to dart. I let Danny and my brother escape first. The footsteps are getting close now. Danny and my brother were down on the ground safely, they had used that whole small ledge to the railing technique again. I could hear that old wench getting closer by the second. It was do or die time. The babysitter was about to open the door, she was yelling something about Luke making too much commotion. I just jump out the window, land on the rose bed, and twist my ankle. That little son of bitch swelled up too. It sucked walking home, Dan told me to tell my parents I did this playing basketball. I did and they believed me. It was worth it though, Twisted Metal 2 was an awesome video game and I did not want that babysitter to have to call Luke's mom who would than call my mom who would than call Danny's mom. By the time it got to poor Danny's mom the story probably would have come to the four of us passing around a bottle of Jack Daniels we stole from Mr. Forand's liquor cabinet, smoking cigarettes, and looking at a Hustler magazine. You know how mom's are. Another time he was watching us we almost got arrested for trespassing. I haven't seen the kid in years. If I do though, I want him to know what a great babysitter he was and maybe I'll be able to return the book to him.