"Theres a black president and spades is going to be an Olympic event in 2012!"

I got bored yesterday afternoon and started surfing the internet aimlessly, after a while I decided to google my name. Through this decision I was able to find out that this whole writing thing runs with my name. Some other guy named John Geilfuss wrote a screenplay for some low rate 80's horror movie named Evil Altar. This is even more weird cause I have some strange obsession with horrible horror movies and I look forward to watching it as I play "The Game." I looked it up on IMDB and basically the plot has something to do with a small Road Island town, a cult, and people getting sacrificed. There is also a John C. Geilfuss writing scholarship in Wisconsin. This scholarship is handed down to the University of Wisconsin students who best display writing skills in the fields of history and science. It's a shame I don't know too much about history, am not very scientific, and don't attend the University of Wisconsin because it would be totally gnarly to be a distingushed recipient of the John C. Geilfuss writing scholarship, especially considering my middle name is Charles. I tried finding out more information about this guy but failed to do so.

In the previous paragraph I referred to "The Game." "The Game" is something that me and Townsend created late one night when we were both in Michigan. We were watching tv aimlessly and the conversation went something like this
Geilfuss:(Sounding frustrated and pissed off) "It's almost 2 in the morning and I'm not even tired."
Townsend:(Yelling loudly and angrily) "PISS!!"
Geilfuss: "Fuck off"
Townsend: (Rising up from the couch and sounding strong and definite) "Let's start drinking"
Geilfuss: (Sounding somewhat intrigued) "There's Jack Daniels upstairs."
Townsend: (yelling affirmatively) "Shots!"
The next thing I know the two of us are taking shots of Jack Daniels in the kitchen and than walking down the steps with the bottle of Jack and a six pack of Coca-Cola."
Geilfuss:(asking the question somewhat intrigued) " Now what?"
Townsend:(yelling affirmatively) "Shots!"
We took 2 more shots
Geilfuss: "Madden?"
Townsend: "Lets just watch some horrible horror movie."
Geilfuss: "Okay, but we gotta do a shot every time someone dies."
Townsend:(Nodding his head in agreement and smiling) "Deal."
Townsend: "Oh and we gotta do shots every time we see tits too."
Geilfuss: (Nodding in agreement) "Deal."

We ended up watching Touristas and before the movie was over we were ready to go to sleep and "The Game" was forever cemented into our lives. It got kind of ugly though when we ran out of Jack and had to switch to Kahlua.


I just got a call from Mike Major asking me if he could stop by my house and take a dump. He should be over in five minutes.

I was at Bobby and Booboo's apartment last night hanging out with them and a few other friends and we decided to go into Towson. I was supposed to go up to Rec Room with them but I had to stop and have a few beers at the Kent first and it soon became crystal clear that I would not be going anywhere. I was just hanging out with Andy and Ross when Dave showed up and that's where the night became interesting. He orders a round of drinks and the next thing I know me and Ross are gambling on Race Poker. I busted out a Royal Flush but we went double or nothing and Ross's four of a kind were too tough to beat and we were back to square one. Eventually the little bastard pulled off a winning streak that I wasn't able to counter and I had to order the round of shots. Than we started playing Uno. At this point the Kent was basically dead and we were some of the only people in there. Jamal came in a few times during the night to take shots. At one point he screamed "There's a black president and spades is going to be an Olympic event in 2012!." He also started clapping for freedom. The two guys sitting to the right of him were terrifyed. This all happened over one Uno game, I think we played the longest Uno game in history, at one point I pulled up thirty some cards before I could get a green or a three, I was yelling lots of curse words at this point. During the course of this never ending game, I turned to Ross and Andy and said " There's lots of hot bitches out in Towson tonight and were sitting at the Kent playing Uno by ourselves."

I hear the doorbell, I think Mike Major's here.

The Boycott is Over

If you read my last blog you would know that I made a decision to boycott Megatouch games due to their refusal to accept my last name as a legit entry. This boycott was short lived. Yesterday morning at 11:31 A.M. I received a text message from Damon asking me if I had seen the comment on my blog from the Megatouch game. This got me excited. I immediately jumped off Mike Fick's couch and signed into my blog so I could read the comment. Some guy named Colin apparently found my blog through something called a Web Crawler and gave me the email address I needed to make my complaint to Megatouch public. I did just that. Several hours later, I received an email from the Director of Marketing and Finance of Megatouch stating that in the 2009.5 edition of Megatouch, both "Geilf" and "Geilfuss" will be acceptable names. They also apologized to me and invited me to join their facebook group and I obliged. This whole thing was like a dream come true and I kinda got a half boner after reading the good news. I can't wait for the release of the 2009.5 edition of Megatouch. I need to email them back, find out the release date, and find out if any local bar will have the new edition. I may just have to have a party on that day. I've added the link if any of you want to join. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Megatouch/38676551837

During the email exchanges yesterday with Megatouch, I went to a Chinese buffet with Townsend and Mike Fick and it was awesome. The three of us probably had 4 or 5 plates a piece and you could tell the Chinese people working there were starting to get pissed. We were getting evil eyes from the employees and they started hovering around us repeatedly mumbling things in Chinese in attempts to get us to leave. We had already ate all of their crab legs and were trying to stay until they put out some more but the stubbornness of the Chinese people prevailed and we left after probably 86 minutes. There was some preppy kid behind us talking about shooting people while we ate.


I watched some horrible movie last night called "Hide and Creep" about a small Alabama town that gets overrun by zombies. Theres a scene in the movie where this zombie grabs someone from behind and the zombie is a spitting image of Townsend. The two of us had to watch the scene like 4 times and pause it a bunch because it was kind of scary in some ways how much this guy looked like him. He was even balding in the right spots. His head got blown off about nine seconds later. We google imaged the actor and had no success.

Boycotting Megatouch, Real World and a Tatoo Convention

Practically everyone I know has probably sat down at the corner of some bar somewhere and put a dollar or two into a touchscreen video game known as megatouch. These machines have taken plenty of my money in the past but I've decided I'm going to boycott them and write them a letter until I get my satisfaction. My problem with the company is that they have a bias against me, it's true, I swear. Now, the whole point of playing these games is the hope of cracking the top score and being able to enter in your name, and this is where my problem lies. If I were to put in a dollar and play a game of titty touchers, achieve the top score, and type in my last name the game would say " Bad Name" and prompt me to enter in something else. Even an abbreviation of my last name such as "Geilf" would be rejected. It infuriates me. One can type in profanities, racial slurs, or a random assortment of letters and be successful but my last name is not acceptable, it's absurd.

I had this completely random dream the other night that I was on the cast of Real World and the rest of the cast was entirely made up of friends of mine. Now, I've never really ever watched an episode of Real World but I think the point of the show is to put a group of young adults in a really pimp ass house, get all of them beyond the point of intoxication, and than they all get to spend the rest of their lives doing even more pointless shows on MTV. They usually throw in a gay guy or a lesbian in there just for the hell of it to make things more interesting but there won't be one in my show. Anyways my Real World show was set in Baltimore and the cast was made up of me, my buddy from my freshman year at Hofstra Reno, Townsend, Ross, my buddy George also known as Big Juicy or Big Sweaty, Julia, Jacquie, Kari, and Kristen Korsnick. I could hands down guarantee you right now that that would be the most entertaining and insane season of Real World ever and probably be the most watched show on television. There would be a constant scent of marijuana throughout the house, the intoxication would be at an all new level, there would be $100 games of bei ruit, shovels and other things would be broken on chests, there would be people falling into toilets busting their eyes and others breaking stairwells, sweat would be all over the floor and we would be down one bathroom because it would constantly be locked so someone could be blowing cocaine. The worst part about the whole season is I'd be living with three Eagles fans.

Saturday night I went downtown with a bunch of friends to Mosiac. It was a typical night there, and I along with everyone else I know was just getting buck wild. For some reason Townsend decided to call this girl Gina and go on this long rant of how we were stranded and needed a ride. I give him credit though his story must of been pretty convincing because this girl convinced her friend to leave a party in Hunt Valley, drive down to powerplant, and pick the three of us up. We were also with Julia. I'm sure this girl driving must of thought we were all belligerent assholes because we demanded she take us through McDonald's, and drop us off at our separate homes. At one point she said we should give her money for this and we just kinda went on like that comment never came out of her mouth and I guess she realized she had just wasted probably over an hour of her probably not so great life. The only problem I had with this was when I woke up and realized that my car was at Corey's house in Canton, I had no ride down there, and I probably should have just slept somewhere downtown. Several hours later though I was able to find a ride and after that I went to meet up with Booboo, Jacquie, and Creech. The four of us decided to go to this tattoo convention. We were driving in two cars so Creech and I found some backdoor entrance which we used as a way to sneak into the convention without paying. Booboo and Jacquie were not so fortunate and they decided that it wasn't worth the 20$ entrance fee, I don't really blame them either it was basically just a couple hallways full of scary people. I did wanna see penguin man though, my buddy Mike told me about this midget that was there with no arms who dresses up like a penguin, that may have been worth the 20$ in itself. After that we got some food at Burger King and Creech had to go on this rant about me writing blogs. He said he might start one up to it wouldn't really surprise me. He has these homosexual tendencies like that where he has to do the same thing his other guy friends are doing. We went back to Jacquie's house so he could read all of them. He than went on to explain to the girls what speed reading was and attempted to do that through my blogs. I really think all he did though was scroll up and down looking for Creech in any sentence and read that one than went back to hitting up girls on Myspace.

"Maybe she went easy on me because she wanted to bang me."

I was sitting in a hospital waiting room yesterday, quietly minding my own business, when a man in probably his forties sits down next to me and begins to initiate small talk. Several minutes go by and a young lady in far worse condition than either of us walks past the two of us and the guy sitting next to me says "That should make us feel fortunate about our situations huh?" Now at this point he had yet to explain to me what he was doing in the waiting room and I hadn't said anything to him regarding my situation. But, I agreed with him and said something along the lines of that being the truth. He than leans over to me and says "I was only half drunk when I rode my bicycle into head on traffic." I said "sounds like you may have been all the way there." The guy laughed and than said "Well, I learned my lesson. For that reason alone I will be watching the rest of the Ravens games this season on my couch, you can't hurt yourself there." At that point I went back to reading my magazine.

Tuesday night, I went to the Greene Turtle in Towson to play trivia with Stilling and Damon. A few minutes later, Andy's sister Mary shows up and the first thing she does is yell at me for going to a flea market in Dundalk. I don't exactly know why she was yelling at me for doing this, I kind of tuned her out, you know the whole in one ear out the other kinda thing, but anyways she couldn't have been more wrong about the whole flea market. This flea market is quite possibly one of the greatest things ever. It's a real life white trash paradise. You can find anything from Ravens memorabilia, old Star Wars toys, weapons, pets, Steven Segal movies on VHS, and fried donuts all in one place. There was one lady who sold the little Ravens books you get for free when you go to a game for $3 a piece. She's got this huge trash bag full of hundreds of books that she probably spent hours walking around the stadium picking up and the craziest thing is people actually buy them. There was also a lady trying to sell pit bull puppies outside the flea market. While I was there, Corey bought a pair of Jordans for $50, he almost paid $60 at first but the little kid running the display was lying about the price and his mom yelled at him for not saying the right price. He probably would have just pocketed the 10$ had his mom of not caught him. So if your in the Dundalk area next weekend, I highly recommend you stop by this flea market cause I will most certainly be there.


I was sitting in my alcohol class last night and this kid Brandon is telling everyone about his court date. He was facing marijuana charges in the Towson district court and was going up against Judge Barbara Jung. This judge has a reputation as being the most strict judge in the county. Now, this was the second or third time Brandon had been in trouble for marijuana and to top it all off, his lawyer was running late. Cindy, the lady who runs the class advises Brandon to use the fact that his lawyer wasn't present and take an opportunity to avoid the most strict judge and get a postponement. At this point she leaves the courtroom to go somewhere else. However, in this short period of time Brandon decides to be his own lawyer. He ends up getting a pbj and 18 months supervised probation. When he says this, Cindy is almost in a state of shock. Her and several other guys in the class start going off about how insane it is that this judge didn't send him to jail, especially without a lawyer. This debate between Cindy and several others goes on for a few minutes and than Brandon just says out loud "Maybe she went easy on me because she wanted to bang me." It was priceless.

Wheelchair races at 4 in the morning

I just finished watching the movie My Best Friend's Girl with Dane Cook and immediately after the end of the movie, Bennett switches to the deleted scenes feature. This is a feature that I have never completely understood. Seriously, there is a reason it's being called a deleted scene and that's because it wasn't good enough to get into the goddamn movie. Were probably at like the fifth or sixth deleted scene right now and not one of us have cracked a smile. The entire course of the movie though, I was laughing my ass off and now I can't even crack a freakin smile. Hmm maybe that's because during the months and months of editing and producing that goes into making a major motion picture, the guys in charge, watched this scene, and said "Wow this scene really fucking sucks, lets delete the damn thing." However, some asshole decides to throw this feature on the dvd and all the sudden it seems like a good idea to watch this pile of crap.

I was at my buddy Bart's yesterday and I realized that a good way to piss your roommate off is to buy a dog, when he completely resents the idea. Bart's roommate did this very thing. Saturday night, I'm turning the corner at this crowded bar Ropewalk in Federal Hill and Bart hits me on the shoulder from out of nowhere. Now, until that moment I had not seen him in nearly three months and the first words out of his mouth are "Geilf fucking Carroll bought a fucking dog. I mean most my friends aren't dumb, but Carroll is fucking dumb." Shortly after his rant he decided to start talking about the Ravens, ask me if I'm doing alright following the surgery, and just see how things are and other type comments you start a conversation with. So anyways I go over there Sunday and throughout the course of the day, Bart is constantly dropping little lines here and there about his dissapproval of the purchase of the dog. He does however, plan on using the dog as a tool to get laid, maybe, if that happens he will get over the new addition to the household.

Speaking of Bart, a few years ago I shared one of my most memorable drinking nights ever with him and our buddy Perm. The year was 2007 and the Ravens had just lost to the Colts in the divisional playoffs. I ran into him and Perm at Souris somewhere after midnight and the three of us were trying to erase the game from our memories. We decided to go about this by doing rounds and rounds of Irish car bombs. The next thing I know I'm in Bart's car and we are on our way to Atlantic City. About five minutes into the car ride, were turning around and on our way to BWI. We had this genius idea to catch a redeye to somewhere like Vegas or Miami or San Diego. Perm and I were working with limited funds that night and Bart was about ready to max out his credit card. Upon our arrival at the airport, we would find out that the only flights at four in the morning are to Toledo and Charlotte. Charlotte seemed somewhat appealing. Not as appealing though as the wheelchairs. The three of us are now having wheelchair races down an empty airport lobby. I'm really surprised that security didn't stop us at all, but they were probably viewing our races as some sort of entertainment. I can just imagine two security guards making bets on who would win. Needless to say, we decided that it wouldn't be fun to wake up with a hangover in either Toledo or Charlotte and called it a night. Had there of been an available flight to Vegas only God knows the amount of trouble the three of us would have gotten into and calling out of work on Monday morning would have been a story in itself.

That Guy is Definitely Invited to my Birthday Party

There are millions of jobs across the world. Some people save lives, some people write books, some people drive buses, one guy dresses up like the statue of liberty and dances with a sign for his company. It really must be one of the worst jobs in America. Have you ever seen that commercial, I'm not sure what it is for, but some guy has to dress up like a spicy jalapeño and do some horrendous song and dance for his job. In the commercial, the guy quits in about thirty seconds. I don't blame him, you would too. However, the Statue of Liberty guy does not quit and nor does it look like he has any thoughts of quitting in the near future. If you were to drive past the intersection of Stevenson Lane and York Road in Towson right now this guy would make you smile. Hands down, guaranteed. Somehow despite having quite possibly one of the most dreadful jobs imaginable he is full of life. I mean it's probably warmer in Anchorage, Alaska right now and he couldn't be happier. Not only is he smiling but he is dancing, jumping up and down, waving to random cars. I honked my horn and waved at this man today and I truly think I made his day. If you gave a four year old kid a ballroom, an unlimited supply of candy, and Barney on High Definition he would not be as happy as this man was when I waved at him. Needless to say that guy is definitely invited to my birthday party. Can you imagine how much fun he would be at a party?

I'm about to start reading the book The Brave by Robert Lipsyte. Now, really I have no reason to read this book other than I was going through some old boxes, when I came about and realized I borrowed it nearly ten years ago from my neighbor at the time, Dan Nixon. I was supposed to read it on the way down to South Carolina, but I don't believe I ever even cracked the cover. Now, ten years later this book finds it's way back into my life. Hopefully, it's not real childish, that will piss me off, but at least I should read it quick. Anyways, I wonder what ever happened to ol' Dan Nixon. Several years before Dan lent me that book, he would sometimes watch my brother and I when our parents went out for a night. That kid was quite possibly the greatest baby sitter ever. Every time my parents left my brother and I in his control something went terribly wrong, but somehow my parents kept bringing him back. I remember once my neighbor Danny Hunter came over when Dan was babysitting us and we took nearly every piece of furniture in the house, moved them downstairs and had an all out war. I'm not joking. We used the pieces of furniture to make forts on both sides. This probably took us several hours. We completely gutted the basement, and all you could see was the two forts, with a small area in between. I made many forts when I was a kid, but these one's were by far the best. We had chairs on top of couches, fans on tops of desks, and blankets atop of everything. If we were in the mountains of Afghanistan, the Taliban would have trouble breaking into our barracks. After the forts were built, we began shooting our nerf guns, firing soccer balls, shoes, whatever we could find at the opposing team. I believe it was my brother and Dan against me and Danny. Next thing you know my parents are walking in there basement looks like a warzone and my brother has a black eye.
Another time he was babysitting me, I ended up taking a dare to see if I could ride a wheelie the whole way down our court. The thing that made this daring was I wasn't on your typical bike. I was using some sort of tricycle thingy that was designed for a toddler. Their was a three-year old who lived in the house next store and he left it out that night and I decided this was a good idea. Dan agreed. So I pop the wheelie and the next thing I know I'm flying face first through the air. I think I made it about 9 inches. My face was covered in blood and Dan said something like " Oh Shit." I went inside and washed my face off but the wound was quite evident. My parents weren't happy about that one either. But, I thought it was well worth all the trouble. Plus, I figured the cut would make me look kind of gangster when I returned to school. This one night there was a community adult party. So basically all the kids in the neighborhood had a babysitter that night. Once again my parents choose Dan. We were outside playing in the court and it got to be dark. However, while we were playing, Dan was preoccupied with Melissa Consindine, she lived down the street a few blocks He wanted to keep hanging out with her, so he told my brother, Danny, and I to do whatever the hell we wanted.I don't really blame him come to think of it, I ran into Melissa a few years ago at a Blockbuster and she is far prettier than I am. We went up the street to see what Luke Forand was doing. We knocked on Luke's door and found out that Luke had a responsible babysitter. Some old hag with glasses. Not just your average glasses though. This lady was wearing those glasses with a string attached to it, so you could put them around your head when you weren't wearing them. If you've ever seen the movie Mrs. Doubtfire, theres a scene where the mother is looking for babysitter's and this old nasty lady comes over to interview. Not only is she as old as dirt but shes a complete bore too. That was basically Luke's babysitter. We asked what Luke was doing and she said that he was in his room and wasn't supposed to have any visitors after ten-thirty. As were walking away from Luke's house, pondering our next move, Luke leans out the window and invites us to come play Twisted Metal 2. We explain to him the babysitter problem, and we get the genius idea to climb up his window to the second story. You could get to his second floor by standing on the front porch railing, than tiptoeing your way across the window ledge and hoisting yourself into the room. All is going well, I'm absolutely demolishing cars with my main man Axel, when we hear that annoying babysitter, coming up the steps. It's time to dart. I let Danny and my brother escape first. The footsteps are getting close now. Danny and my brother were down on the ground safely, they had used that whole small ledge to the railing technique again. I could hear that old wench getting closer by the second. It was do or die time. The babysitter was about to open the door, she was yelling something about Luke making too much commotion. I just jump out the window, land on the rose bed, and twist my ankle. That little son of bitch swelled up too. It sucked walking home, Dan told me to tell my parents I did this playing basketball. I did and they believed me. It was worth it though, Twisted Metal 2 was an awesome video game and I did not want that babysitter to have to call Luke's mom who would than call my mom who would than call Danny's mom. By the time it got to poor Danny's mom the story probably would have come to the four of us passing around a bottle of Jack Daniels we stole from Mr. Forand's liquor cabinet, smoking cigarettes, and looking at a Hustler magazine. You know how mom's are. Another time he was watching us we almost got arrested for trespassing. I haven't seen the kid in years. If I do though, I want him to know what a great babysitter he was and maybe I'll be able to return the book to him.

I got a telephone call from my friend Julia today asking me if I could take her out to pick up her car in Jacksonville. I obliged, and on our way out there she told me some interesting story about her college roommate in Salisbury. This particular broad she lives supposedly met her boyfriend on some free online dating site. First of all, I think online dating is one of the most pathetic things ever invented. Your basically admitting to the entire website, that you lack the means necessary to make someone out there find you attractive. It really isn't that hard. Go to a bar on a Friday or Saturday night, watch the people in there, and you will find out that some of the most awful human beings and most awful looking human beings are always finding romance. Nevertheless, I'm getting away from the story. Not only did this girl resort to online dating, she went to a free dating site. So basically besides already admitting that they lack social skills these people are also saying they are cheap bastards and dames as well. However, this relationship gets better. This guy lives in Virginia, the girl in Salisbury, so not only did they meet online but now they are in a long distance relationship with someone they met online. This was blowing my mind. To top it off this clown tells his girlfriend he doesn't even like to talk on the phone. So there only form of communication is through text messaging. They do talk on the phone on occasion though, when they want to have phone sex.


I made a decision today that I'm going to read 100 books by the end of 2009. Well, actually 98. I read two books before the start of the new year and their going to be on my list. I guess you could consider this my new years resolution, but I don't believe in new year resolutions, I believe there stupid and just a method insecure people use to make them feel better about themselves. No offense to anyone who does make new years resolutions though, those are just my beliefs. No one in the world will testify that all of my beliefs are correct and sounded in stone. I may also give up video games and sell my playstation3.

A roadtrip, Vinny, and Turkey Sandwiches.

I talked to my buddy Reno for the first time in probably three years the other day. He saw pictures of my head following my recent surgery and decided it would be a good time to call and check in. We conversed for several minutes and ended on the conclusion that I need to make a road trip to Boston. I'm half tempted to go up in the spring and see a baseball game in Fenway Park. Ross wants to go. The last time Ross and Reno were together was the first and only time they ever met. It was a few years ago when I got some random urge on some random Saturday morning to go visit Reno and some of my other old friends from my freshman year at Hofstra. So, before I left I grabbed my phone, ran down the entire phonebook and thought, "Who would be most likely to go to New York with me and go if I called them and said were leaving in ten minutes, I decdided on Ross. So after about 5 hours and after taking the greatest piss of our lives and also killing a pigeon, Ross and I finally got to the campus. Next thing I know, I'm sleeping in my car with a boatload of Whitecastle and Ross and Reno are almost getting arrested. Stilling is still pissed he didn't get the last minute invite for that roadtrip. Needless to say, the next one should be equally entertaining.

I just read Damon's blog a few minutes ago and he said I have no charm. Fuck him. I define charm.

A few hours ago, I got the great joy of going to my alcohol treatment class. Now, if you know me or have read any of my blogs, you may have noticed that I'm not a big fan of alcohol treatment, at least in my life,yet. I'm there because people with power say I have to go there and I have to listen to those in power. Nevertheless, the only thing I really think it's good for is making new drinking buddies. I've seen probably 80% of this class, drunk off their asses in bars in Towson. However, every week were all sitting in a circle again, talking about how much better we feel and how much more productive we are since we have quit drinking. It's basically an endless revolving circle of lies. Tonight, we talked about "defense mechanism's." We went into numerous different defense mechanisms that someone may use to cover up their alcoholism, basically it was a way to spend an hour of your life listening to a load of bullshit. Although, I was disappointed to find out at the end of the class, that Shiloh was finished his time. Now, Shiloh is a guy in my group who wears makeup, has black fingernails, hair that goes down to his waist with a few blue strands, and always wears a purple fur coat. I don't think he wears this fur coat to support the Ravens. He often tops off his unusual dress by wearing some sort of childish police hat. However, he is an awesome guy and entertaining as well. I actually spent two weekends with him in the Baltimore County Detention Center. Anyways, thats it for alcohol group.

On the way to alcohol group, I was sitting at the red light at Warren Road and Beaver Damn road. Several years ago, I was sitting at this red light, driving my father's 1982 Chevy pickup truck, that had over 200,000 miles on it. It was around 3:00 p.m., traffic was fairly steady, and all of the sudden I notice the check engine light come on. No sooner does that come on than the engine stops. Townsend, who is in passenger seat, snaps a look of concern my way. The truck had finally bit the bullet. It was done. There was no faint little kick of a battery running, and now the light was turning green. Horns are honking, profanities are flying at a loud rate, fingers are being flipped and quite simply there is nothing in my power that I can do. To make things worse, neither Townsend nor I had an actual license at the time, they had both been suspended for various reasons. Than from behind the midst of the long line of angry drivers, comes a hero. A hero by the name of Vinny. Vinny, drives his truck over the curb along Warren Road, and eventually pulls in front of me. He introduced himself and started with some awful joke about helping out a fellow truck driver. As we would soon find out, Vinny was kind of like Steve Buscemi. A short, funny looking, Italian guy who you probably wouldn't want to introduce to your mother. Except Vinny was also on crack. Anyways, Vinny has a large chain on his truck and ends up towing us to the gas station right down the road at Warren and York. He tried a bunch of different remedies that not even a fourth rate mechanic would try and tell you to get the truck to start, but all efforts fell short. He parted ways with us, but if it weren't for him I probably would have ended up being arrested, so I'm glad he came, plus I wouldn't be writing write now either.
With Vinny gone and the truck now in a parking spot, one issue remained. Townsend and I, were stuck in Hunt Valley without a method of transportation, besides our feet. Now, besides neither of us having a license in our possession, we also didn't possess as cell phone or a single dollar to our name. So we dug around my dad's truck and managed to scrape up $1.50. The first person I called was my father, no answer, and it went to voice mail so we were down fifty cents. Next, we called Corey, he picked up but was in Washington D.C. This did not help us, we were down to our final fifty cents. We decided to call Mike Fick constantly hanging up on the third ring, until he picks up. After about 6 times he finally does but says he has to do something but he does offer us a solution. His mother is about to get off work, she works on Beaver Damn road and she will pick us up. Twenty minutes later, Mrs. Fick is pulling into the gas station and the two of us are saved. However, her only condition was we had to go to the Amish market with her. This turned out not to be bad because she bought us each a soda and a turkey sandwich and the Amish market in Hunt Valley quite possibly has the best turkey sandwich I have ever had.

I read some article on Yahoo today that said the mayor of Pittsburgh's last name is Ravenstahl. He is going to get his name offically changed to Steelerstahl. That guy is a dumbass. I hope his grandmother disowns him.

Just Some Monday Night at the Kent

I'm walking out of a trivia game in Lutherville last night, and my buddy Ross asks me " Well, what do you wanna do?" I kinda shrugged my shoulders, at the time I would have been perfectly content with going home and calling it a night. He than says "Well asshole do you wanna go to the Kent or do you wanna go home?" I think about for about 3 and half seconds and say "Lets go to the Kent." I think it turned out to be the best decision I have ever made.

We walk in and the bartenders Pat and Jason seem to already be halfway drunk. There is some poor chump to the left of us who is listening to this god awful ugly girl just pour her heart out to him. To the left of them there were 4 hippie girls, one had dreadlocks which is just mind boggling. Than theres probably another 6 to 8 people in the bar.

Within about ten minutes of the arrival of the four of us, I was also with Andy and Damon, I believe the entire bar had cleaned out. I wasn't sure if it was the fact that were repulsive loud assholes, the bartenders seemed to ignore everyone else in the bar when we arrived, or the fact that Paulie was the DJ. I'm gonna go with the latter. The job of a DJ, is too play a good variety of music that keeps the bar scene upbeat and happening. People walking by on the street should be intrigued by the music and want to come in. There are DJ's across the country that are known for their names and draw large crowds whenever they show up to a certain club or bar. Paulie is not one of these DJ's. However, this is probably why I like him so much.

Some time goes by and Pat breaks out a football. Were kind of tossing the football around the bar , than Ross says "Let's do shot's and go to the parking lot." This idea goes over very well and 5 Irish Car Bombs later were outside. Jess was the 5th recipient of the car bomb as she had showed up with some friends. So any way were outside tossing the football around and well, there is one problem, it's dark outside. So all of us have hands like stone because we cant see the football until its about to hit us in the face, basically we were playing like Braylon Edwards did all season, except he made several million dollars. After a while of these shenanigans, we decide to head back inside because Andy and Damon had come to the consensus that if we kept this up, I would be hit by a car.

We go back inside, Paulie is still playing awful music, and there is still basically nobody in the bar. There is an old homeless man though who is in the back and would put his cup of beer through this little window and just shake it whenever he wanted a new one, it was awesome.

It's probably about 12:15 right now and this is the point were the night just got out of control. Shots were flying, the beers were flowing, and even god forbidding there was dancing on the bar. Vicki was dancing on the bar, Jason soon followed, and than the ultimate climax came when Andy got up on the bar and showed up his dance moves. Continuous clapping followed, "Fuck the Steelers" chants were quite frequent, and Andy was playing some awesome game where he would write what he wants to due to various players on the Steelers. Such things as "Cock slap Big Ben," "Cut Polamalu's hair" and "bitch slap Hines Ward," were thrown out. There was constant dancing and singing, especially when "Sweet Caroline" was played towards the end of the night, I believe the entire bar was shoulder to shoulder, arms around each other, rocking out to no end. There were a few people who strolled through the bar during this chaos, they didn't stay very long. To be honest they probably walked up to one of the other watering holes in the Towson area and said something along the lines of "The Kent is just wiggin right now." Basically, if one were to witness this in a movie, people would say there isn't a bar in America that this would ever happen. Only there is, its the Kent Lounge.

Old Memories and banging tables at a Sushi Restuarant

I was driving home from taking my Dad's automobile out from Owings Mills for the emissions test today, when I received a text from Damon stating that he posted a new blog and mentioned mine in the blog, so as soon as I got back home I had to read Damon's new blog. Upon reading the blog, Damon describes one time when he was young with a hot young dame and went out past curfew and than got punched by her father. This made me think of a similar moment in my life.
I had just turned 21 and I met a hot blond one night at the Get Bent Lounge. Several hours later, Corey and Townsend are using a credit card to break into the bathroom at Corey's cousins house to catch the two of us in full out shower room action. She was not a fan of that but that's besides the point. Anyways, later that weekend I drop her off at her place in Cockeysville, and I am getting thrown against the car by a very large man. He explains to me that he is a cop and doesn't like his daughter being out until all hours of the night with guys he has never met, when she is supposed to be home. She ran in the house which was probably a good thing at the time, because I'm sure she smelled like alcohol and sex. Anyways, five minutes or so goes by of this very large man yelling at me and threatening me goes by before he even gives me a chance to defend myself. Once he stopped his tirade, I somehow put on my Geilfuss charm and the man was shaking my hand and telling me he hoped he hadn't scared me away, from his daughter. I'm sure his point-of-view changed when he walked inside, but that's a whole different story. Now, back to the girl. I continued to see her for a few weeks until I found out that her full time job that she went to Monday through Friday was actually high school. Not teaching it, going to it, as a student. I never called her again but I guess it explains why her Dad was so mad when I brought her home late on a Sunday night.

While I was driving out to the emissions testing in Owings Mills, I also thought of another great moment in my life. I'm not sure the of the exact year or anything on this one, but, Bennett, Shoul, Shouldice, and I all went out to the emissions test together. Bennett and Shoul weren't getting their cars tested, they were just along for the ride. So we get out to the emissions center and we all had to push Shouldice's Tiburon up to the starting point, needless to say his car failed. Mine passed and I'm leaving the lot, Shouldice is ahead of me and I start to pick up speed and Bennett just yanks the E-brake up as hard as he can and I do a complete 180 and get to see all the employees from the emission center running out to see what that noise they just heard was, Bennett still laughs about it today. We took Greenspring Avenue home that day and I think he did this about another 6 times, although the first one was by far the best. That same day, we also ate lunch at a Burger King and some elderly lady approaches us with questions about her car which won't start. Shoul takes a look at it and immediately realizes that there is nothing wrong with her car, simply she locked her steering wheel without knowing it. He fixes this problem than goes on this long rant about what was wrong with her car and what he did to fix it. She was very impressed and gave him $7 as a way to say to say thank you. He did not try to turn down the money.

I was watching "There's Something About Mary" the other day and that truly is a great movie, but there was something that bothered me. There are multiple scenes were Ben Stiller's character orders a drink at a bar, however, he does not pay for a single one in any of these. They just give him the beer without asking for a card or money, than he gets up and walks away. It bothered me.

Damon loves the retard in that movie.


Last night, Ross picked me up and we went out into Towson to meet up with Andy and Damon. We started at the Kent, than banged on tables at a sushi restaurant, and than went to the Blue Grotto. The Blue Grotto is a new bar in Towson, which is attempting to do a VIP section, I don't think Towson and VIP work. Anyways, Rick shows up and everytime I see him he goes on about some story when Creech and I really had his back one night when he was working at the Kent and how it meant a lot to him. I don't really remember this, but I'm a big fan of the kid. The bartender there was quite animated and kept dancing. She said something to the guy she was working with about going back to her place and splitting a bottle of vodka. At this time, I turn to Damon and say " Now, that is an enticing offer." He laughed.

I'm going downstairs now to finish the book I've been reading.

When Zombies Invade

Last night, the movie Dawn of the Dead came on at around midnight, while this movie is far from Oscar worthy it is entertaining and it got me thinking. Basically, in the movie hell gets filled which causes the dead to walk the earth. Pleasant, I know. So anyways, these dead people walk around eating all the living humans and basically causing chaos. Ving Rhames and a cast of misfits all seek protection in this mall. The zombies lack the intelligence to gain entrance to the mall and they have means of support within the mall. They have a roof over their heads, food, clothing, etc. This made me think, if I were to wake up tomorrow and find out that the dead are walking the earth where would I go to avoid the attacks and I landed on one spot. Parkville. Now, hear me out.


The corner of Taylor and Harford would be prime time real estate for a zombie invasion. First, of all you have a gun shop right there that you can loot. I would load my truck up with every kind of firearm and ammunition imaginable. It would be AWESOME. Than I would just simply have to make it another couple hundred feet to the shopping center. Here, I would have to my convenience a grocery store, bowling alley, video game store, hardware store, and liquor store all in one. Just think of the possibilities there. Imagine, I successfully rob the gun store, prepare myself adequately for Armageddon, and safely get to the grocery store roof. I like the chances of this happening cause I have over 10 shotguns in my possesion right now and a pickup truck that I don't mind banging up by making zombies roadkill. Just think about this: in the movie, Ving Rhames plays a game with the owner of the gun store from across the street. The main point of this game is one will find a celebrity in the midst of zombies, and the other guy has to guess the zombie he is thinking of and blow its head off. This is basically their only form of entertainment. Now, if you were hanging out in my place the possibilities would be endless.

We could go bowling any time we wanted too, and trust me, it would be Cosmic bowling 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We could easily set up multiple video game tournaments, and def set up some cookouts. Take the fact that I'd have in my possession an arsenal of firepower, good supply of lighter fluid, and all sorts of stuff from the hardware store and I can't even begin to imagine the diabolical weapons and torture I would unleash on these poor zombies. Throw in the alcohol and it would be like the Fourth of July run on repeat. Simply amazing. Can't you just imagine me playing endless hours of Madden on a roof, sipping on bloody mary's all day, taking a halftime break from Madden to destroy the walking dead, and than going for ten frames of Cosmic bowling. Shit, it almost sounds like a real life never never land.

Several hours ago I went to the Graul's in Ruxton to run a simple errand for my mother. I haven't been there in years and when I got there it truly did amaze me that so many old people can be in one place. They even have old people working there. I think they most post the job fair at a nursing home. It took me like ten minutes to get to where I wanted to go because these people move so slow and stop for no reason at all. The lady in front of me in line was paying for like three things and her total was like $11.37 or some number with odd change and she has the audacity to pull out her little coin purse and count these pennies one by one pushing each one shes counted that much closer to the cashier. Now, the cashier is nearly her age and almost seems enticed by this whole exchange. At this point, I was hoping zombies would invade the grocery store and I could make a run for the corner of Taylor and Harford.

Damn them

Damon and Dan have more attractive layouts to their blog than I do. Damn them I need to figure this thing out.

Up till 5 A.M. again and watching football with females

As I mentioned in my previous blog, I had back-to-back nights of being up till the crack of dawn. While they were both entertaining, they take a toll on the body, Saturday/Sunday it would become three in a row. After watching the Cardinals beat the Falcons, Julia picked me up and we went downtown to my friend Amanda's to hang out before we went out to Mosiac. My buddy Brann was already down there watching the Colts/Chargers game and we stayed until the conclusion of that before heading to Mosiac to meet up with a large group of Calvert County kids that were celebrating someone's birthday who I had never met. While Brann and I were watching the game, our buddy Steve called and said he would be joining us for the night. Without a doubt, Steve belongs on that same list as Ross as someone who is simply endlessly entertaining. After the game we grabbed a cab down to Mosiac, and had a pretty good night at the bar.

We took a cab back to Amanda's place following the bar, and the next thing I know I am once again up at nearly 5 in the morning, as Brann and Steve are still playing Rockband on Nintendo Wii. Brann is convinced he can do some rockstar guitar flip even though the Velcro band simply is not strong to support a violent flip around one's shoulder and Steve was just singing random words and talking about how much he wanted to try the song" Roxanne." At this point, I went into the basement and attempted to sleep on a couch that was about 3 feet shorter in length than I am, it wasn't fun. Throw in the fact that Brann and Steve kept coming down every thirty minutes or so for cigarette breaks, and Steve would have to have some dance party by himself I once again got barely in sleep.

Around noon, I started moving, went upstairs and realized that Julia, was intensively hungover and I wouldn't be going anywhere for the game. All of the sudden were at kickoff for the Ravens playoff game, Brann's still sleeping, and I'm watching the game with two girls who know absolutely nothing about the game. Usually I get very passionate and animated while watching the Ravens, especially for a game of this magnitude. However, whenever you pump your fist and it follows with a question like "Was that good for us?" "Are we about to score now?" and other things like that it defeats some of the passion. I'm used to sitting outside at Orchard Landing for Ravens road games doing running chest bumps with Stilling and shouting obscenities at the referees and opposing players, this was simply a drastic change. There were also constant questions about the divisions, conferences, how could an 8-8 team be seeded higher than us, how can I think the Ravens would rather play the Chargers than the Colts even though the Chargers beat the Colts, and many more. Now, in no way shape or form am I putting down these girls, I'm big fans of both, but I needed some help, and of course, Brann didn't wake up till 4. So at this point I'm assuming I will at least get to watch the Eagles-Vikings game with him, than Julia says shes ready to go back to Towson. I ended up heading to Gloomy Daze to meet up with Big Spanish and George, a huge Philly fan and another former Gloomy Daze employee, and enjoyed that.

Before I left downtown, Brann mentioned to me that they were up till nearly 8 playing Rockband and Steve had to work at 11. I'm sure he loved every minute of work.

After the Eagles game I went back home, played several games of NBA 2k9, read another chapter in the book I'm reading about a military hero , and than decided to watch a lil television before bed. I was flipping back and forth between three stations. USA, TBS, and ESPN. USA had some horrible movie on with Steve Martin and Queen Latifah. By the way, I think Steve Martin is becoming like Willie Mays in some ways. He had a tremendous start to his career but now it seems like hes just hanging around doing horrible performance after horrible performance. The more I think about it, that comparison is actually pretty horrible but you get my point. TBS had Independence Day and that truly is one of those movies where if your sitting around on a Saturday afternoon or late at late, flip the channel and catch it your not going anywhere no matter if you have already seen it 12,467 times. And of course, ESPN had Sportscenter and many of you already know my addiction with that. I wake up to it, eat dinner to it, fall asleep to it. In fact, in some ways Sportscenter is almost like a calming presence in my life, as weird as that may sound.

I went to the doctors today, had to get a catscan that I will show to the head neurosurgeon later this week. Other than that, I'm all out of ideas for today.

Making laps at Towson High while rocking out to Sublime

The past few days have been some of my most interesting in awhile. The last time I wrote anything on here, it was regarding New Years and the stupidity of the holiday. To celebrate New Years, I went downtown to my friend Amanda's party. It was basically everything I had expected , a lot of fun, a shit show, and everyone getting super excited when the new year came. I decided it was time for me to call it a night and head when I went upstairs at nearly 3 in the morning, I didn't know anyone in the kitchen, most people were at the bar, and this guy Matt was inviting me to come lay down on the sofa bed with him.

The next day was rather quite simple for me, nothing crazy. Being that I barely drank anything on New Years, I took care of some errands. Around 9, I went over to my buddy Matt Payne's house. This is a different Matt than the one from New Years. Anyway, we were watching some show about some Australian guy who plays the role of 3 people in the show. He plays an 11th grade girl, a gay drama teacher, and an oversized 8th grader with disciplinary problems. It was quite funny. Than I decided to go to the bar with Creech and meet up with Julia and her friend Raven, here is where the night got very interesting.

Next thing, I know were leaving Souris Saloon, and doing laps in Towson High School parking lot rocking out to Sublime. Shortly thereafter, were back in my basement attempting to play the board game Sorry. The only thing that was Sorry, though was our attempt to play the game. Than there were people yelling for drugs, and at 5:00 a.m. we were calling it a night.

Saturday, after having some horrible food from Baja fresh and lots of hanging out. Creech, Payne, and I went to Fridays. Julia came and met us awhile later. Following Fridays, we went into Towson, it sucked. Next thing I know we are back in my basement, once again attempting to play Sorry. Once again the attempt failed and we ended up settling on 500 rummy. With the help of a nearly 200 point round, Creech won. Julia, who is quite the rummy Nazi, was quite upset, at this point it was past four and I just wanted to go to sleep. Several hours later, Creech came into my room telling me it was 10:30 and he had missed his community service again. Considering he was only allowed one reschedule and he already used that last weekend, he's probably screwed.

Football is about to start and I need to go pick up my carry-out order from Pizan's. Peace.