The Beaten Up, Barely Standing Champion

You gotta give it to Agent Zero. The man has had three knee surgeries in just over a year, comes back, and in his first game has a double double and helps the Wiz or the Zephyrs, beat the first place Cavs. Gilbert Fuckin Arenas.

Following my fantasy baseball draft, last night, I stopped up at the Kent to see my main man Stills. Upon my arrival, I found out that Jason had thrown Stilling a challenge, and for those of you who know Stilling, he is not a man to back down from a challenge. I once saw the man chug a 3 liter bottle of 99cent soda, without taking a break. Impressive stuff. Not to mention, there may not be anyone who can down an Irish Car bomb at a quicker rate. Nevertheless, the challenge issued to Stilling was to drink a whole case of beer before last call. Now, before this challenge began, Stilling was already four beers deep, and those beers were not part of the competition. Therefore, Andy was really looking at a 28 beer night, which as you can imagine, can take its toll on someone. But sure enough, with the clock winding down, Stilling was on beer number 23. At this point, a committee was held, and it was decided that he had reached his goal, as a result of his intense dedication or perhaps intense intoxication, and with the beers consumed before hand, he would be handed the prize. The prize being a signed Budweiser case, by all three of the Kent bartenders and the owner. Basically, at the end of the night, Stills kinda resembled Rocky Balboa, after Balboa went the distance with Apollo Creed, or Clubber Lang, or Ivan Drago, beaten up, barely standing, and holding his prize above his head, knowing that victory and the prize were well worth the beating he had just taken. Shortly thereafter, Edy, who drives cars for a man named Jimmy was on his way to take the beaten up champion home.

Speaking of Ivan Drago, is it possible that Dolph Lundgren changed his name to Andrei Kirelinko, and began playing basketball in Utah?

I finally found some tickets to Opening Day and couldn't be more pumped. Not only am I going with Jamal, who can make even the dullest of moments quite enjoyable, but Opening Day is hands down the best day of the year. Christmas? Eh, it's got it perks. Thanksgiving? The food's pretty tasty and there's football, so that's something. Fourth of July? The weathers usually nice, fireworks, barbecues, and booze, definitely nothing wrong with that combination. The day the Duke Blue Devils are eliminated from the NCAA tournament and Coach K has to shake the hand of the other coach, and wipe that evil Hitler smirk off of his face, definitely has it's perks as well, but none of them compare. Give me 40,000 plus fans coming out in piss poor weather, to help bring on the start of a new season. Give me the 40, 000 plus fans who are there to cheer on a team that hasn't had a winning season since the Iron Man was playing third, Robbie Alomar was HIV negative, and Rafael Palmerio was a walking syringe. Give me Pickles and Sliders at noon, and after the game. Give me a ballpark frank. Hell, even give me the light rail ride back home, which as many of you know can be quite amusing.