A Lady named T

There are several things I could ramble on about today, but as promised, the majority of this blog will be focused about a trip to the block and a lady named T. I met T one night in the summer of 2006. I remember the year because I would later name my fantasy football team in memory of T and my first pick that year was LaDainian Tomlinson and it was that year that LT went crazy and by crazy I mean 28 touchdowns crazy.

The night started off with Josh Mekalian hosting a poker tournament. It was nothing special, simply a 20$ sit-and-go type event. Eventually the number of remaining player's started to dwindle and I found myself in the loser's lounge debating my next move. It was here where all the trouble began.

After a brief debate we decided that the next most appropriate thing to do was to go see some titties and the best place to do that was the strip club. It was a Monday or Tuesday night and apparently some of the more upscale gentleman's club were closed for the evening so that left us with two options: Route 40 or the Block, we decided on the latter.

We bounced around a few of the shadier spots on the block and eventually settled down at Larry Flynt's fine establishment. A few hours later and a couple of bottles of Mr. Daniels finest Tennessee whiskey and we were on our way. With the alcohol flowing freely, Townsend began to open his mouth and when Townsend opens his mouth after a couple bottles of American whiskey, trouble usually follows. The trouble that followed this time was a rather large gentleman whose career depended on his ability to sell certain products. This man generated Townsend's interest and if it weren't for the advice of an elderly lady with a cane, Townsend would have most likely made a rather poor purchase. This elderly lady advised him that the man's products were no good and he would be better off purchasing them from a friend of hers. She had only one condition and that was that we had to give her a ride to her house. Next thing I know, I'm sitting in the back of Mike Fick's car with this lady as were driving up North Avenue.

It didn't take long for this lady to take a liking to me. Within just a few minutes, she had introduced herself to me as Ms. T and was moving her hand all over my body. I began to slide further and further away from this woman but an Acura is only so big and eventually you run out of room. Making matters worse, Mike and Matt found this to be rather amusing. After turning down several sexual advances, T was forced to become a bit more blunt. She began offering her services to me for a mere ten bucks. At a time like this, one would hope they could turn to two of their good friends for help. Mike and Matt did anything but help. T began to express concern as too why a good looking young male would turn down her sexual advances and I simply replied " I have a girlfriend back home, who I love very much." This started to calm her down a bit, I guess even crack whores have a sense of decency but almost instantaneously I was called out by my two friends in the front seat as a fraud. Once again T started her sexual advances and once again I was forced to resort to finding ways to get her to stop. I informed T that I had no money on me and would not be able to pay her for her services, but at this she had her hand down my shirt pocket and had a firm grasp on my remaining cash. At this point, T believed that I was a wealthy man, and was now attempting to get to know me in the Biblical sense. I tried to reassure her that my financial state was not lucrative and I could not afford the 25 dollar fee and once again T's sense of decency began to reveal itself as she was about to give me my money back and leave me alone for good. I was just a few seconds away from freedom, when the two jackasses in the front spoke up again. This time they were offering me 20 bucks a piece to take up on T's offer. Despite the opportunity to make an easy 40 bucks, I passed and eventually T's promiscuous behavior came to an abrupt end as we were pulling up to her apartment. At this point, Mike's car was surrounded by a group of homeboys that were all dressed alike, that is until T stepped out of the car, showed off her 9 and assured the homeboys that we were cool. At this point we sped off into the night and I made sure to drink another bottle of Mr. Daniels finest whiskey to help erase the memories of a lovely lady named T.

I didn't think it was possible, but last night, Joe Flacco looked more uncomfortable and awkward playing quarterback than he does in his Pizza Hut commercials.