Running the Charity Gambling Wheel At Purple Patio

Thanks to some guy named Craig and his list, I was able to part ways with my Sunday in the Country ticket, and instead partake in tailgating festivities at M&T Bank Stadium. So early Sunday morning, I met up with Corey, Bennett, and Tyson to head down to the stadium and get the day off to a proper start. Well, at least Corey, Tyson, and I got the day off to a proper start. Towards the end of the cab ride, and right in the middle of our cab driver's rant on sacrificing cows to Indian gods, Big Body released a barrage of curse words so obscene, that even Howard Stern may have shook his head in dismay. We soon found out that Bennett somehow managed to forget his sky box ticket at the house. Thankfully, for Bennett's sake that is, Kohler saved his day and was willing to pick the kid up and drop him back off at the stadium.

Once we ditched Bennett for greener pastures, we found ourselves at Wyman's tailgate. After a few games of corn hole, a few jello shots, some last minute fantasy football changes, and a couple rounds of Jack, it was game time, which meant Corey and I were headed to the Purple Patio at Mothers, and this is where things got a lil' bit dicey.

Shortly, after our arrival to Mother's, we decided to venture outside, to take in some of the outdoor activities that the bar has to offer. It wasn't long before Corey stumbled his way over to the gambling wheel, which is quite typical of the man, if there's a gambling wheel to be found, Corey is usually not too far away. The gambling wheel was designed to garner support for a charity of some sort, and within a matter of a few moments, the lazy and irresponsible volunteers wandered away, to go mingle with the crowd, or basically to be pathetic, drunken whores. With the gambling wheel now being left unattended, and the liquid confidence really starting to hit it's peak, Corey did the only thing appropriate, he stepped behind the wheel, and took control. Twenty minutes later, the man was up nearly 70 bucks, and the degenerate gamblers were starting to throw their money away like Jake Dellhome throws the pigskin away. At this point, the head of the charity organization returned to the wheel in an outrage, demanding Corey's immediate removal and the money back. Being the upstanding citizen that he is, he rightfully handed the repugnant whore her money back and was soon on his way. A few minutes later, the security at Mother's is scanning the bar, looking to kick out the Raven's fan who steals from a charity, and we realized our time at Mother's may soon be up. Corey and Shea even switched jerseys in an attempt to be inconspicuous, but alas Corey was spotted and not so kindly escorted out of the building. Several minutes later, and even after successfully convincing a manager at the bar to let him back in, I was being escorted out by a large black man, wearing a shirt three sizes to small.

With Mother's no longer an option, we headed to Ropewalk, where Shea greeted us with a couple of Bud Lights and some not so friendly shots of Rumplemints, and after that round the memory gets a bit blurry. However, the night was far from over, as after a brief power nap and some Spartan's delivery, Tyson showed up on Bouldin Street. It wasn't long before Tyson was convincing me to walk down the street to some dive bar in Highlandtown. Supposedly, Tyson had become quite familiar with the regulars there, and he was a big fan of the place. Upon our immediate arrival, ol' Tyson was caressed by numerous elderly women, who were missing their teeth, and quite set on the Flacco that Tys is the mirror image of Joe Flacco, despite the obvious differences in stature. I failed to see the resemblance, but Tys seemed to love every minute of it, and I wasn't going to interrupt the kid's moment of glory. With the Colts game getting out of hand, and the Jager Bombs, starting to catch up, I soon decided it was time to call it a night. Tyson didn't have the same mindset, and I was forced to let him fly solo in this dive bar, and I'm a bit worried as to how the rest of his night went, but I don't think I'm going to ask any questions the next time I see him. Anyways, Tyson had his heart set of watching a Ravens road game their some time in the near future, and I believe we decided that the Pittsburgh game would be the perfect road game to re-visit this dive bar, so if your ever down to visit a dive bar in Highlandtown with toothless old women, feel free to join, because Tyson and I will most definitely be there.