"Theres a black president and spades is going to be an Olympic event in 2012!"

I got bored yesterday afternoon and started surfing the internet aimlessly, after a while I decided to google my name. Through this decision I was able to find out that this whole writing thing runs with my name. Some other guy named John Geilfuss wrote a screenplay for some low rate 80's horror movie named Evil Altar. This is even more weird cause I have some strange obsession with horrible horror movies and I look forward to watching it as I play "The Game." I looked it up on IMDB and basically the plot has something to do with a small Road Island town, a cult, and people getting sacrificed. There is also a John C. Geilfuss writing scholarship in Wisconsin. This scholarship is handed down to the University of Wisconsin students who best display writing skills in the fields of history and science. It's a shame I don't know too much about history, am not very scientific, and don't attend the University of Wisconsin because it would be totally gnarly to be a distingushed recipient of the John C. Geilfuss writing scholarship, especially considering my middle name is Charles. I tried finding out more information about this guy but failed to do so.

In the previous paragraph I referred to "The Game." "The Game" is something that me and Townsend created late one night when we were both in Michigan. We were watching tv aimlessly and the conversation went something like this
Geilfuss:(Sounding frustrated and pissed off) "It's almost 2 in the morning and I'm not even tired."
Townsend:(Yelling loudly and angrily) "PISS!!"
Geilfuss: "Fuck off"
Townsend: (Rising up from the couch and sounding strong and definite) "Let's start drinking"
Geilfuss: (Sounding somewhat intrigued) "There's Jack Daniels upstairs."
Townsend: (yelling affirmatively) "Shots!"
The next thing I know the two of us are taking shots of Jack Daniels in the kitchen and than walking down the steps with the bottle of Jack and a six pack of Coca-Cola."
Geilfuss:(asking the question somewhat intrigued) " Now what?"
Townsend:(yelling affirmatively) "Shots!"
We took 2 more shots
Geilfuss: "Madden?"
Townsend: "Lets just watch some horrible horror movie."
Geilfuss: "Okay, but we gotta do a shot every time someone dies."
Townsend:(Nodding his head in agreement and smiling) "Deal."
Townsend: "Oh and we gotta do shots every time we see tits too."
Geilfuss: (Nodding in agreement) "Deal."

We ended up watching Touristas and before the movie was over we were ready to go to sleep and "The Game" was forever cemented into our lives. It got kind of ugly though when we ran out of Jack and had to switch to Kahlua.


I just got a call from Mike Major asking me if he could stop by my house and take a dump. He should be over in five minutes.

I was at Bobby and Booboo's apartment last night hanging out with them and a few other friends and we decided to go into Towson. I was supposed to go up to Rec Room with them but I had to stop and have a few beers at the Kent first and it soon became crystal clear that I would not be going anywhere. I was just hanging out with Andy and Ross when Dave showed up and that's where the night became interesting. He orders a round of drinks and the next thing I know me and Ross are gambling on Race Poker. I busted out a Royal Flush but we went double or nothing and Ross's four of a kind were too tough to beat and we were back to square one. Eventually the little bastard pulled off a winning streak that I wasn't able to counter and I had to order the round of shots. Than we started playing Uno. At this point the Kent was basically dead and we were some of the only people in there. Jamal came in a few times during the night to take shots. At one point he screamed "There's a black president and spades is going to be an Olympic event in 2012!." He also started clapping for freedom. The two guys sitting to the right of him were terrifyed. This all happened over one Uno game, I think we played the longest Uno game in history, at one point I pulled up thirty some cards before I could get a green or a three, I was yelling lots of curse words at this point. During the course of this never ending game, I turned to Ross and Andy and said " There's lots of hot bitches out in Towson tonight and were sitting at the Kent playing Uno by ourselves."

I hear the doorbell, I think Mike Major's here.

The Boycott is Over

If you read my last blog you would know that I made a decision to boycott Megatouch games due to their refusal to accept my last name as a legit entry. This boycott was short lived. Yesterday morning at 11:31 A.M. I received a text message from Damon asking me if I had seen the comment on my blog from the Megatouch game. This got me excited. I immediately jumped off Mike Fick's couch and signed into my blog so I could read the comment. Some guy named Colin apparently found my blog through something called a Web Crawler and gave me the email address I needed to make my complaint to Megatouch public. I did just that. Several hours later, I received an email from the Director of Marketing and Finance of Megatouch stating that in the 2009.5 edition of Megatouch, both "Geilf" and "Geilfuss" will be acceptable names. They also apologized to me and invited me to join their facebook group and I obliged. This whole thing was like a dream come true and I kinda got a half boner after reading the good news. I can't wait for the release of the 2009.5 edition of Megatouch. I need to email them back, find out the release date, and find out if any local bar will have the new edition. I may just have to have a party on that day. I've added the link if any of you want to join. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Megatouch/38676551837

During the email exchanges yesterday with Megatouch, I went to a Chinese buffet with Townsend and Mike Fick and it was awesome. The three of us probably had 4 or 5 plates a piece and you could tell the Chinese people working there were starting to get pissed. We were getting evil eyes from the employees and they started hovering around us repeatedly mumbling things in Chinese in attempts to get us to leave. We had already ate all of their crab legs and were trying to stay until they put out some more but the stubbornness of the Chinese people prevailed and we left after probably 86 minutes. There was some preppy kid behind us talking about shooting people while we ate.


I watched some horrible movie last night called "Hide and Creep" about a small Alabama town that gets overrun by zombies. Theres a scene in the movie where this zombie grabs someone from behind and the zombie is a spitting image of Townsend. The two of us had to watch the scene like 4 times and pause it a bunch because it was kind of scary in some ways how much this guy looked like him. He was even balding in the right spots. His head got blown off about nine seconds later. We google imaged the actor and had no success.

Boycotting Megatouch, Real World and a Tatoo Convention

Practically everyone I know has probably sat down at the corner of some bar somewhere and put a dollar or two into a touchscreen video game known as megatouch. These machines have taken plenty of my money in the past but I've decided I'm going to boycott them and write them a letter until I get my satisfaction. My problem with the company is that they have a bias against me, it's true, I swear. Now, the whole point of playing these games is the hope of cracking the top score and being able to enter in your name, and this is where my problem lies. If I were to put in a dollar and play a game of titty touchers, achieve the top score, and type in my last name the game would say " Bad Name" and prompt me to enter in something else. Even an abbreviation of my last name such as "Geilf" would be rejected. It infuriates me. One can type in profanities, racial slurs, or a random assortment of letters and be successful but my last name is not acceptable, it's absurd.

I had this completely random dream the other night that I was on the cast of Real World and the rest of the cast was entirely made up of friends of mine. Now, I've never really ever watched an episode of Real World but I think the point of the show is to put a group of young adults in a really pimp ass house, get all of them beyond the point of intoxication, and than they all get to spend the rest of their lives doing even more pointless shows on MTV. They usually throw in a gay guy or a lesbian in there just for the hell of it to make things more interesting but there won't be one in my show. Anyways my Real World show was set in Baltimore and the cast was made up of me, my buddy from my freshman year at Hofstra Reno, Townsend, Ross, my buddy George also known as Big Juicy or Big Sweaty, Julia, Jacquie, Kari, and Kristen Korsnick. I could hands down guarantee you right now that that would be the most entertaining and insane season of Real World ever and probably be the most watched show on television. There would be a constant scent of marijuana throughout the house, the intoxication would be at an all new level, there would be $100 games of bei ruit, shovels and other things would be broken on chests, there would be people falling into toilets busting their eyes and others breaking stairwells, sweat would be all over the floor and we would be down one bathroom because it would constantly be locked so someone could be blowing cocaine. The worst part about the whole season is I'd be living with three Eagles fans.

Saturday night I went downtown with a bunch of friends to Mosiac. It was a typical night there, and I along with everyone else I know was just getting buck wild. For some reason Townsend decided to call this girl Gina and go on this long rant of how we were stranded and needed a ride. I give him credit though his story must of been pretty convincing because this girl convinced her friend to leave a party in Hunt Valley, drive down to powerplant, and pick the three of us up. We were also with Julia. I'm sure this girl driving must of thought we were all belligerent assholes because we demanded she take us through McDonald's, and drop us off at our separate homes. At one point she said we should give her money for this and we just kinda went on like that comment never came out of her mouth and I guess she realized she had just wasted probably over an hour of her probably not so great life. The only problem I had with this was when I woke up and realized that my car was at Corey's house in Canton, I had no ride down there, and I probably should have just slept somewhere downtown. Several hours later though I was able to find a ride and after that I went to meet up with Booboo, Jacquie, and Creech. The four of us decided to go to this tattoo convention. We were driving in two cars so Creech and I found some backdoor entrance which we used as a way to sneak into the convention without paying. Booboo and Jacquie were not so fortunate and they decided that it wasn't worth the 20$ entrance fee, I don't really blame them either it was basically just a couple hallways full of scary people. I did wanna see penguin man though, my buddy Mike told me about this midget that was there with no arms who dresses up like a penguin, that may have been worth the 20$ in itself. After that we got some food at Burger King and Creech had to go on this rant about me writing blogs. He said he might start one up to it wouldn't really surprise me. He has these homosexual tendencies like that where he has to do the same thing his other guy friends are doing. We went back to Jacquie's house so he could read all of them. He than went on to explain to the girls what speed reading was and attempted to do that through my blogs. I really think all he did though was scroll up and down looking for Creech in any sentence and read that one than went back to hitting up girls on Myspace.

"Maybe she went easy on me because she wanted to bang me."

I was sitting in a hospital waiting room yesterday, quietly minding my own business, when a man in probably his forties sits down next to me and begins to initiate small talk. Several minutes go by and a young lady in far worse condition than either of us walks past the two of us and the guy sitting next to me says "That should make us feel fortunate about our situations huh?" Now at this point he had yet to explain to me what he was doing in the waiting room and I hadn't said anything to him regarding my situation. But, I agreed with him and said something along the lines of that being the truth. He than leans over to me and says "I was only half drunk when I rode my bicycle into head on traffic." I said "sounds like you may have been all the way there." The guy laughed and than said "Well, I learned my lesson. For that reason alone I will be watching the rest of the Ravens games this season on my couch, you can't hurt yourself there." At that point I went back to reading my magazine.

Tuesday night, I went to the Greene Turtle in Towson to play trivia with Stilling and Damon. A few minutes later, Andy's sister Mary shows up and the first thing she does is yell at me for going to a flea market in Dundalk. I don't exactly know why she was yelling at me for doing this, I kind of tuned her out, you know the whole in one ear out the other kinda thing, but anyways she couldn't have been more wrong about the whole flea market. This flea market is quite possibly one of the greatest things ever. It's a real life white trash paradise. You can find anything from Ravens memorabilia, old Star Wars toys, weapons, pets, Steven Segal movies on VHS, and fried donuts all in one place. There was one lady who sold the little Ravens books you get for free when you go to a game for $3 a piece. She's got this huge trash bag full of hundreds of books that she probably spent hours walking around the stadium picking up and the craziest thing is people actually buy them. There was also a lady trying to sell pit bull puppies outside the flea market. While I was there, Corey bought a pair of Jordans for $50, he almost paid $60 at first but the little kid running the display was lying about the price and his mom yelled at him for not saying the right price. He probably would have just pocketed the 10$ had his mom of not caught him. So if your in the Dundalk area next weekend, I highly recommend you stop by this flea market cause I will most certainly be there.


I was sitting in my alcohol class last night and this kid Brandon is telling everyone about his court date. He was facing marijuana charges in the Towson district court and was going up against Judge Barbara Jung. This judge has a reputation as being the most strict judge in the county. Now, this was the second or third time Brandon had been in trouble for marijuana and to top it all off, his lawyer was running late. Cindy, the lady who runs the class advises Brandon to use the fact that his lawyer wasn't present and take an opportunity to avoid the most strict judge and get a postponement. At this point she leaves the courtroom to go somewhere else. However, in this short period of time Brandon decides to be his own lawyer. He ends up getting a pbj and 18 months supervised probation. When he says this, Cindy is almost in a state of shock. Her and several other guys in the class start going off about how insane it is that this judge didn't send him to jail, especially without a lawyer. This debate between Cindy and several others goes on for a few minutes and than Brandon just says out loud "Maybe she went easy on me because she wanted to bang me." It was priceless.

Wheelchair races at 4 in the morning

I just finished watching the movie My Best Friend's Girl with Dane Cook and immediately after the end of the movie, Bennett switches to the deleted scenes feature. This is a feature that I have never completely understood. Seriously, there is a reason it's being called a deleted scene and that's because it wasn't good enough to get into the goddamn movie. Were probably at like the fifth or sixth deleted scene right now and not one of us have cracked a smile. The entire course of the movie though, I was laughing my ass off and now I can't even crack a freakin smile. Hmm maybe that's because during the months and months of editing and producing that goes into making a major motion picture, the guys in charge, watched this scene, and said "Wow this scene really fucking sucks, lets delete the damn thing." However, some asshole decides to throw this feature on the dvd and all the sudden it seems like a good idea to watch this pile of crap.

I was at my buddy Bart's yesterday and I realized that a good way to piss your roommate off is to buy a dog, when he completely resents the idea. Bart's roommate did this very thing. Saturday night, I'm turning the corner at this crowded bar Ropewalk in Federal Hill and Bart hits me on the shoulder from out of nowhere. Now, until that moment I had not seen him in nearly three months and the first words out of his mouth are "Geilf fucking Carroll bought a fucking dog. I mean most my friends aren't dumb, but Carroll is fucking dumb." Shortly after his rant he decided to start talking about the Ravens, ask me if I'm doing alright following the surgery, and just see how things are and other type comments you start a conversation with. So anyways I go over there Sunday and throughout the course of the day, Bart is constantly dropping little lines here and there about his dissapproval of the purchase of the dog. He does however, plan on using the dog as a tool to get laid, maybe, if that happens he will get over the new addition to the household.

Speaking of Bart, a few years ago I shared one of my most memorable drinking nights ever with him and our buddy Perm. The year was 2007 and the Ravens had just lost to the Colts in the divisional playoffs. I ran into him and Perm at Souris somewhere after midnight and the three of us were trying to erase the game from our memories. We decided to go about this by doing rounds and rounds of Irish car bombs. The next thing I know I'm in Bart's car and we are on our way to Atlantic City. About five minutes into the car ride, were turning around and on our way to BWI. We had this genius idea to catch a redeye to somewhere like Vegas or Miami or San Diego. Perm and I were working with limited funds that night and Bart was about ready to max out his credit card. Upon our arrival at the airport, we would find out that the only flights at four in the morning are to Toledo and Charlotte. Charlotte seemed somewhat appealing. Not as appealing though as the wheelchairs. The three of us are now having wheelchair races down an empty airport lobby. I'm really surprised that security didn't stop us at all, but they were probably viewing our races as some sort of entertainment. I can just imagine two security guards making bets on who would win. Needless to say, we decided that it wouldn't be fun to wake up with a hangover in either Toledo or Charlotte and called it a night. Had there of been an available flight to Vegas only God knows the amount of trouble the three of us would have gotten into and calling out of work on Monday morning would have been a story in itself.