Employees Must Wash Their Genitals

With a quick glimpse before I signed into this site, I was able to notice that my blog is currently advertising merchandise for the Seattle Seahawks and I found this as odd. In this blog, I have on numerous times mentioned the Ravens and Brett Favre. I have even brought up several references for my intense dislike and hatred of Michael Vick and the Philadelphia Eagles, but never before, have I mentioned the Seattle Seahawks. It's not that I have problems with the Seahawks or anything, they just happen to be a team that no one really seems to care for, at least in the greater Baltimore metropolitan area. Unless your a gambling addict and are hoping the Seahawks cover the spread or a fantasy football junkie and where frustrated with Matt Hasselbeck's performance last week, there is no real reason for you to show any faint sign of interest in the Seahawks. However, there is at least one Seahawks fan in the general vicinity of Towson and she happens to sport a personalized jersey.

Now, personally, I am far from the biggest fan of personalized jerseys. In most cases, they are unoriginal and frankly somewhat pathetic. Granted, there are a few exceptions where personalized jerseys are acceptable and sometimes even deserve merit. One of these cases, is Mama Stills personalized jersey. It simply says "Mama Stills" and Mama Stills is represented with the number one. Now, if you have ever met Mama Stills, you would know that the woman is simply amazing and that no jersey or number could suit someone better. There is even a guy who has Ravens tickets in the vicinity of Andy who has a jersey with the name "Dalia Lama" on the back, and I've grown to accept that. However, one personalized, jersey I have not grown to accept is the one worn by the Seahawks fan I was referring too earlier. This particular Seahawks fan is a woman, and she wears a Seahawks jersey with the name "She Hawk." To make matters worse, she watches every game at Gloomy Days and that combination is just one that is downright miserable. But, every week she wears this horrible creation out to the restaurant as if she thinks she is super creative or something. It's just anything but original and creative. As far as the number for "She Hawk", well I'm not quite sure. Perhaps the number is 69, and she is really representing the name of the star of some low budget lesbian porno featuring Seahawk cheerleaders where the main stars name was "She Hawk." But, that would probably only happen in Carolina, at least the whole lesbian cheerleader thing.


Anyways enough for worthless talk about personalized jerseys and lesbian pornography, and onto something else. Last Sunday, I headed down to the Canton area to meet up with Corey, Ryan, Tyson, and Theo at Caladagh's to watch the Ravens- Vikings game. Once again, the game came down to the final minute, and once again the Ravens lost. I try to stay positive and upbeat, some I'm going to avoid expressing my thoughts on the game and instead focus on what happened after the game. With the game still lingering heavily on our thoughts, Tyson was able to convince me that the best way to get over the loss was a jager bomb and a trip to a place called Busters. Busters is another bar in the Highlandtown area that Tyson has become quite frequent of visiting and it didn't take me long to figure out why he is such a fan. Busters is this small bar, located on the corner of Bouldin and Lombard. It is not to be confused with Clocks, which is the bar in Highlandtown where the toothless old women believe Tyson looks like Joe Flacco. In some aspects, it almost looks like a run down business, as there is no sign indicating the presence of a bar. To gain admittance to Busters, one must be buzzed in from the bartender. And it is once you get inside, that things become interesting. Until Tyson and I stormed in late that Sunday afternoon, the average age of the people drinking in Busters was probably 64. Within a matter of moments, I was introduced to the bartender, a lovely lady named Marg, who loves to sing and has an intense hatred for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Anyways, it didn't take long for Tyson and I to gather the interest of Marg as we were able to convince some of our colleagues to join us for the Busters experience. Soon, Kohler, Beck, Lindsay, Julia, and ADubs were partaking in the awesomeness that is Busters. We proceeded to watch the conclusion of the Jets-Bills game at Busters, which was just ugly, as Mark Sanchez tossed up five interceptions. Eventually, the alcohol started to run it's course and I was forced to head in another direction. However, the next morning, I woke up with one thought.......how in the world does one spend 60 bucks in less than two hours at a bar where the most expensive drink in the house is two bucks??

Supposedly, though Marg was able to make a positive impression on someone other than Tyson or myself and ADubs has become quite the fan of the place. She was supposedly talking to Kohler on Saturday night and whenever he returns from his most recent business trip, there will be another outing at Busters. Count me in for some 2 dollar shots and games of shuffleboard.


Earlier in this post, I mentioned that Mama Stills rocks a personalized jersey with the number one, and the number one got me thinking. So I did the most reasonable thing and googled "athletes who wore the number one." My results led me to a very interesting piece published by Sports Illustrated. The piece listed every number from 00-99, and the best athlete to ever wear that number. For the most part, I agreed with their selections, however I did have a few discrepancies.

#7- John Elway over Mickey Mantle. I know Elway won two Superbowls, led the Broncos on numerous fourth quarter comebacks, and helped define the modern quarterback, but Mantle, won a Triple Crown, personified a nation, and was the backbone of one of the most fearsome 3-4 combos in the history of Major League Baseball in 1961.

#35 Phil Neikro over Rickey Henderson. Granted, Neikro did win 318 games in his major league career, but Henderson is one of the best ever. His record for stolen bases, will never be broken, and he is also baseball's all-time leader in runs and walks.

#45 Pedro Martinez over Bob Gibson- Whenever Pedro retires, he will most certainly be a hall of famer, but he is no Gibson. It's possible, that Gibson is the most intimidating pitcher of all time. Do yourself a favor and google Bob Gibson and 1968.

#91- Sergei Federov over Dennis Rodman. Federov was one of the main centerpieces in the Red Wings run during the 1990's but Rodman was a master of the sport of basketball. Possibly, the greatest rebounder in the history of the sport, Rodman was also a two time defensive player of the year and five time NBA Champion. An all-nba defensive first team selection 7 times, Rodman helped defined the Bad Boys of Detriot and helped Michael Jordan and the Bulls win a record 72 games.

#96- Cortez Kennedy over Pavel Bure. Cortez was a dominating defensive force for the Seahawks, but Bure was simply lightning in a bottle. At 5"10 and only 160 lbs, Bure was amazingly quick and could score goals with ease, twice topping the 60 goal mark in a season. Plus, he banged Anna Kournikova and that alone should give him the nod but if your still not sold, take off his helmet, and he could almost pass for Brann. Although, I don't think Brann is pulling off Anna Kournikova anytime soon, she may be a step up for team Skeezer.