Wally Waltzman

Every so often, well once a month to be exact, the state of Maryland requires that I stop by and chat with this old nasty broad that works for the department of parole and probation. To be honest, I don't really blame her for being old and nasty. Age is something one can't control and I'd imagine being nasty pretty much comes hand in hand with being a parole agent. Anyways, as I was walking out of the building last week and I ran into an old neighbor, none other than Wally Waltzman.

I lived next to Wally for a brief period of time during my sophomore year of high school. During these few short months, I got too know Wally pretty well, even though it may not have been by choice. The man just wouldn't leave anyone alone. He would simply bother every neighbor on the block for hours on end. To make things worse, Wally had no shame whatsoever. There would be certain times, where I would be shooting baskets in the driveway and ol Wally would just hop the fence and come on over and begin rambling on and on about his troubles.

Now, part of the reason that Wally was always walking around the neighborhood, looking for some soul to spill all of his concerns too, was that it his business was struggling. You see, Wally was a traveling watch salesman, and as you can probably imagine, the traveling watch business does not provide one with the most demanding of schedules. I can't quite remember the brand of watches that Mr.Waltzman sold, but I can remember he swore that they were Rolex's newest and biggest competitor. I also remember that he spent lots of time traveling to small rural settings. Rural settings where supposedly the places where Wally could make a killing and get a complete weeks pay done in one day. So every Monday and Tuesday, Wally would travel to places like Shrewsbury, Pennsylvania and Wheeling, West Virginia to do his watch sales. After Wally tore through the wallets of these country folks, he would return home to Hampton to pester his neighbors for the remainder of the week.

Anyways, my parents eventually moved, and I was forced to part ways with Wally. That is until last week, when I saw Wally walking into the office of parole and probation. He was there because he supposedly had a bit too much too drink trying to make a sale recently, and as a result got slammed for a DUI. However, I was able to find out, that Wally has moved on from the world of watches and is now selling water filtration systems and is finally making the big bucks. He told me he could get me a job and I could be making 100,000 grand in only a few years, but for some reason I wasn't interested.