Sadly my highly anticipated summer trip to the A.O. has come to a close, and the whole trip could not have possibly been more fun. Four days and three nights of hanging ten and shredding brakes with what was without a doubt the most wiggin group of people in all of the A.O. miraculously passed without any serious drama or conflict. I could easily spend lots of time rambling on about all of the shenanigans and debauchery that went on, but instead, I will shift my focus to the lovely group of people that made up the trip to Ocean Shitty Oh Nine.
Steve Shaver did what Steve Shaver does best and was simply endlessly entertaining throughout the entire trip. Whether he was straight swashbuckling and making thirty something year old married women walk the plank at Fager's, providing the bunk bed palace with a roast of LSilv that put every roast in history to shame, taking late night bath's in green water, jumping from balcony to balcony, getting his bronze on at the beach, or blowing yayo in the A. O., the man was a complete riot.
Robbie Farr, who was not a part of the original cast, managed to get away from his one bedroom apartment with 6 guys, and was more than welcome to claim residence in our condo every night. Saturday night he took a two minute break from claiming the virginity of five year old's and straight got his smash on in the bunk bed palace. He has since returned to unemployment and being the wet dream of every 16 year old girl in Ocean Shitty.
The pharmacist is without a doubt the most wiggin person in existence. He never left the condo before 6 P.M. and served as a walking medicine cabinet. In the future, if I ever need to buy women's deodorant or cleaning supplies, I now know where to go.
Lisa B provided a distinct service to the Armed Forces. She followed up this distinct service by capturing the attention of half the male population at Seacrets. As a result of her hard work and dedication, she deserves her summer's off.
Julia spent the entire weekend entire weekend picking up creepy men from the bar or in some cases from Coastal Highway on her thirty block walk home. Come Monday, she was still complaining about her inability to impress decent men and her overall lack of sexual activity. She may still be envious of the services offered by Lisa B.
Raven, who also was not part of the original cast, was just flat out stoked to be able to get away from her male roommates who live their lives in Ocean City by watching movies on the regular. On Sunday, she became the only person in history to fail a Breathalyzer at work as a result of too much day drinking, and be offered better means of employment in the same day.
Nicole LoVerde was extremely intrigued by by Steve Shaver's unique vocabulary. She spent her weekend enforcing shots and beer bongs upon any interested consumers.
Bobby provided my condo with some much needed male reinforcement. If it weren't for him, Steve and I may have been run over with too much estrogen. He also played the part of hero as he was the only one willing to enter the marshland to rescue and recover J La's cooler top. However, Sunday night he did lay upon me the worst insult I have ever received in my life. He called me Creech.
Sam Kam quite possibly became my new best friend. As a result, I willingly granted her request to call me "Geilfy."
Elizabeth will one day avoid white trash and have her bachelorette party at the Bellagio in Las Vegas. She shares my aggravation for annoying busted women who choose to announce to all of Ocean City that they found someone pathetic enough to marry them.
Jess proved on the car ride home that she is without a doubt the ultimate creeper and fully deserved to be kicked out of the bunk bed palace on Sunday night. Currently, the Farr/Porrovicchio wedding is being planned, at least in her mind. She also enjoyed being banned for life from Chinese restaurants.
J La was the first to go out of her way to help make the trip a success. Her willingness to drive Steve over the Bay Bridge and straight into Ocean City was much appreciated. She also rocked out in the green water bathtub and took full advantage of Bobby and Booboo's extreme generosity at Fishtale's.
A Dubs arrived at the A.O. way too late and left way too early. Due to her inability to apply sunscreen properly, my back now looks as if I have developed a case of leprosy.
Kevin somehow found a way to make the term "socially awkward" a compliment.
Leigh was the first person to attain trainwreck status on the beach Saturday afternoon. She followed up this performance on Sunday by ordering a monstrous volcano drink at Yang's palace, being partially responsible for Jess' lifetime ban, and by attracting the interest of a 55 year old creeper who bought her split's at Fager's.
Kyle took a lead role in ensuring that the beach crew got at least a bit of athletic activity as he brought out the football for some action on Saturday. He was later honored as Coach of the Year for these actions at Seacret's.
Stef probably won the award for person I talked to the least during the entire weekend. However, she was the first new person to friend me on facebook and as everyone undoubtedly knows, a facebook friend is a friend for life.
LSilv deserves to be thanked for being the only one trusting enough to put her name down on a lease to secure us a spot in the A.O. for an entire weekend and being the only one responsible enough to deal with the leasing office and key distribution. Now, that she has been thanked, she spent her weekend reaching all time highs in being straight raw dizzle by going days on end without showering or brushing her teeth. Currently, she is limping around Bo Brooks with a sprained ankle due to an unsuccessful cannonball into two feet of water in the Assawoman bay.
And that my friends is what shredding brakes and hanging ten in the A.O. is all about.
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