Many A Summers Spent on the Back Deck at Vaeth's

I just checked in on Vaeth via Facebook and I hope the kid is doing well over there. I always liked the guy and I must say it will probably be a bit odd not spending at least one day on his back deck this summer. Now, I haven't spent as much time as Andy or Ross did on the back deck, the two of them have basically lived there over the past few summers, but I have spent quite a good bit of time there over the past six years or so, even going back to the days when I wasn't even friends with Ross. At that point I just considered Ross to be that sketchy kid who was friends with Vaeth, lived far away, was always smoking the whacky tobaccy, and never took off his damn sunglasses. But, as a result of that back deck, the kid kinda grew on me.

Not only have many a good times been spent on the deck at Vaeth's, but many a good times have been spent at his house in general. We would usually get the night, or in some cases get the day, started out on the deck, venture back inside, and usually wrap things up on the deck as well. Despite, the many good times spent inside the house, the deck is the one place, we all became to know as a second home.

The first time I started hanging out there, it was the summer of 2003, is the summer I quite possibly spent the most time on that deck. At the time, I was working at Pizza Hut, and my manager Maurice used to always have me give him a ride home and make a pit stop at McClleland's for a pint of Bacardi 151. After I would drop Maurice off down Limit Ave, I would swing by Vaeth's and more times than not him and Ross would be on the back deck and I would than pop my head in. McClleland's and Limit Ave happen to be in the same area as Vaeth's house, so it made stopping in rather convenient. Maurice, I wonder whatever happened to that guy, he was quite possibly the coolest manager ever.

Than there was the summer of 2004 and that is the summer that Bennett climbed out of the window. Now that I think about it Vaeth wasn't even there that night. He was out of town with his family, and Sue left Ross with the responsibility of supervising the house. So what does Ross do? Ross throws a freakin huge party. With the party starting to escalate in size, the likelihood of the cops coming seemed all but inevitable. With this in mind, Bennett kept referring to the option of climbing out of the basement window. Now, basement windows are typically not the biggest windows in a household and Bennett is typically not the smallest guy in a household. Several hours later though, the cops did show up, and sure enough Bennett climbed out the window. To this day, it still boggles my mind. Supposedly, someone at the party slipped a girl a roofie or something and that's why the cops came, but I think she probably just had a few too many drinks on her own.

There was another night that same summer, where Vaeth found a certain female friend that he took a particular liking too. After some time spent conversing with this female, she decided it would be a good idea to accompany him in his bedroom. Bennett and I were well aware of the shenanigans that were going on, so with the help of Shouldice and a screwdriver, we began some shenanigans of our own. The three of us ventured upstairs and began to dismantle Vaeth's doorknob. Once the doorknob was dismantled, we let off a barrage of bottle rocket's into the room. As one can quite possibly imagine, this somewhat interrupted the passion that was going on in the bedroom and Vaeth was quite enraged. I don't blame the kid, we blocked his cock, and paid no respect to general man code. Plus, we lit off fireworks in his house. He may still have a level of disregard for that night, but it's pretty memorable in my mind to say the least. Hopefully, one day he can forgive us.

I could probably write a book on the nights spent out on the deck and at the Vaeth household, but I won't. It would get kinda old after awhile, anyways. But over the course of six years, I've spent some quality time there. Quality time with good people and that is something that is hard to find.

I'm sure by this point, Andy, Damon, Ross, Vaeth, or anyone else who reads this blog from time to time, may be wondering why is the title referring too Vaeth's deck, but yet the picture, from Stacker's deck. I'm sure the thought "Well, it is Geilfuss..." ran through their mind, but I have a reason, and it's fairly valid. I scrolled through multiple pictures via Facebook of Andy, Vaeth, and myself and sadly found none of the deck. There were countless pictures taken in his house, but none with Vaeth in the picture. I didn't feel right, spending the whole entry, focused on his deck, without at least including a picture of the guy. Plus, we are on a deck in the picture, and everyone in that picture, enjoyed countless memories on Vaeth's deck as well, so thats about all folks.

A New Hope

Due to the emergence of some kid from Norfolk, there was nearly a sell out crowd at Camden Yards last night, and for the first time in over a decade there seems to actually be some Oriole magic. Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuke Scott went deep twice, becoming the first Oriole since Joey Belle to have consecutive games with more than one home run.

Upon my arrival at the pre-game hangout, which in all honesty is quite possibly the best place to have a beer in all of Baltimore, besides maybe the Kent when Jason and Pat are working, I saw Carroll and since at the time I was flying solo, I was quite pleased to see the man. Actually, I am always quite pleased to see Carroll, and supposedly his dog Jake is getting quite big, so I may have to pop down Bouldin Street one day and check in on the young mutt. Now, Jake isn't really a mutt, but I have a tendency to call all dogs mutt's and if you have a problem with that, well, good for you, I don't give a flying shit. Anyways, Carroll was in the same situation I was, in front of Sliders alone, waiting to meet up with the person who has the tickets. So, the two of us did what two people who are at Pickles or Sliders typically do. We drank beer. With the rain getting somewhat fierce, Carroll recommended a place called Quigley's, which was in the near vicinity of Pickles, and I'm quite glad he recommended the place because it's a nice little Irish pub, that everyone should check out at some point in their life. I most certainly will be back, they sell 40's of Natty Boh, how could one not go back? Eventually though, after a fine discussion with some guy in his living room, we left Quigley's and headed back towards Pickles. Bart and Perm and the guys with Carroll's tickets were all inside Pickles, and I would have liked to go in there, but, sadly, I left my ID at home and was forced to wandering back alone.

Wandering alone in a crowded place is usually not a fun thing, but as a result of my homemade Wieters jersey, I was able to make lots of friends and eventually Damon arrived. Of the friends I made yesterday, two were from Frederick, and they were most definitely an interesting pair. One was quiet and really resembled an alien and the other was just hideous and repulsive. Typically, if I describe someone as hideous, I would not need to use the word repulsive as well, but in this case, both words are needed. Nevertheless, these girls kept making promises of getting me Frederick Key's tickets and assuring Damon and I that Market Street on Friday night in Frederick is the place to be. Supposedly, the girl knew someone who bangs Matt Wieters or something and she can get free tickets, I'm not really sure, the whole time she was talking I was trying to figure out in which alien movie did the other girl play a lead role. I think it may be Mars Attacks.

After the game, we ended up walking down and sitting with McGrain and Katie, good people they are, I was all set to head to Canton for the night. Mary was even going to give Damon and I a ride there, but I than remembered that I had left my ID at home, and I'm glad I remembered outside at Pickles, cause had I have waited till we were close to Canton Square, I would most definitely be on Mary's shit list again and that just isn't necessary. I am a little sad I missed Canton though,Jamal was there, and I heard rumors that Julia was dancing and the combination of her dancing and Jamal is good enough for anyone to enjoy. However, I had to settle for a place where no legal form of identification is required, the Get Bent Lounge.

During my time spent wandering around the area of Pickle's and Sliders, I ran into a girl who I haven't seen in quite a long time. A period of several years, perhaps. Actually, now that I think about it the last time was Thanksgiving Eve 2007 at the Crease. Not to be confused with Thanksgiving Eve 2008, when Creech was running around the Kent screaming about how he wanted to finally achieve his lifelong goal of fucking a fat chick. That night she was with a girl named Jessica, who down the street from me when I was in middle school. None of that really matters, but it's Saturday, what else do I have to do but type? Anyways, back to the girl. After the typical exchange of hugs, hellos, and how are yous, she questioned me on whether or not I should be drinking. I was a little confused to this question, as every time I've ever seen this girl, it's been in a situation where drinking is the social norm, but than she brought up my brain and I realized her thought process. She said she saw some pictures via Faceshit and heard from a friend of a friend's cousin's boyfriend, that I was near death and would take months upon months to recover. The funny part is I didn't even know the guy who told her this. Rumors, there ridiculous.

Speaking of rumors, there is one going around that Jacquie is down to one of 20 finalists for a reality show on MTV. Now, if Jacquie were to get hand picked to be on the show, I would actually have to start watching reality tv. Booboo was explaining the basic guidelines and principles of the show to me the other night and to be honest it seemed absolutely horrendous. After her explanation, I knew why I had never heard of the show, but it made me realize one thing. The show definitely needs Jacquie, because Jacquie is awesome, and she would definitely make that show worth watching.

In Damon's last blog, he writes about the real Geilfuss versus the good Geilfuss. He makes some interesting points here and there. Damon usually does that. Make good points. Hes good at that kinda thing. Also at trivia. Anyways, I've included a link for anyone interested. http://www.thatbrotherfromhawaii.blogspot.com
Even if you don't give a shit about me, you should probably check out his blog, it's good stuff, especially if your a fan of Barack.


The Lakers won last night, advancing to the NBA Finals for the second straight year, and I am a little bit disappointed that the Nuggets couldn't pull off the upset. I really wanted to see the Birdman in the finals, but I guess I will have to wait. And the title of my blog, does refer to Kobe, so it may be destiny for the Lakers to win. I'm not really the biggest fan of Kobe, but the man can flat out ball, and he deserves a ring. They also have Pau Gasol and if the NBA were to have another lockout, he could probably get a job working as a caveman for Geico. They also have Adam Morrison and he cries.


I'm getting ready to head to Frederick for the day and it should be a good one. I'm going to be allowed to play with guns, and guns are a good thing. Everyone should have one. Plus, they make loud noises and have the ability to blow things up and thats kinda cool.

I Pity The Fool

Maybe it's just the outfit, but in my mind, there are some definite similarities between Jamal and one of America's greatest heroes, the legendary, Mr.T. Mr. T threw out the first pitch at the Cubs game this past weekend, and I must say if Jamal was the one jogging out to the mound in Wrigley, not many people would be able to tell the difference. The first pitch only helped with the validity of the statement, as the strength of Mr. T's left arm, seems to have diminished distinctly since his day's as Clubber Lang and a member of the A-Team. I feel well assured that Jamal could go southpaw for a moment and throw an equally as imposing pitch across the mound. Now, if somewhere around the third or fourth inning, Mr.T were to tell the finer members of the Cubs organization he had to "go home and walk his dog like a grown ass man" I may just admit defeat and proclaim that Mr. T and Jamal are one in the same.

Friday night a new era begins in Baltimore. The man proclaimed as "Mike Piazza with a throwing arm," will make his first start in an Orioles jersey, and I will most definitely be in attendance. I may even have to drastically reduce my time spent at Pickles or Sliders, to assure, that I am a witness of Matt Wieter's first official-at-bat. I know Stills will be in attendance with Damon, Dan, and Mary and that crew alone is one for the ages. Especially considering that in the past month or so I have moved up from not being allowed to say hello to Mary to being permitted to socialize with her as long as I am not embarrassing.

This is my 50th entry, and after 49 entries, it is about time my main man Mike Marozza finally merits some recognition. Without his help, I may have stayed in the Towson area this past Memorial Day Weekend, but thanks to Mike, I was able to pack my bags and travel east. Not only does the man have a nice lil condo within walking distance to the fabulous A.O., but the dude knows how to party, has his own business card, and does a good job of calming down his girlfriend just enough to where I can maintain my spot on the couch. Because, if it were up to his girlfriend, I would have been sleeping on the porch Sunday night, and even with the activities that went on this weekend, at no point in time, did Marozza's porch seem like a relaxing place to call it a night. To top things off, he should be in attendance at the O's game Friday and his mother makes a damn good pork tenderloin.

As I just mentioned this marks my 50th blog entry, so I give a thank you to all those who read it and find it somewhat amusing, it helps pass the time.

Going back to this weekend, there lives a man, in Ocean City, somewhere in the vicinity of 14th street and Coastal Highway, who probably thought to himself this past weekend. "Damn that kid, is having one hell of a weekend" as Andy probably darted across Coastal Highway carrying well over 150 beers throughout the course of the weekend. For some reason, Stills always happened to take the job as beer man, and deservedly so, because let's just say the man knows how to drink some beer.

The Time I Went Blind

As a result of finally accepting a job where I can fully function as a normal member of society and develop a regular routine, I finally have the luxury of enjoying the weekends and holidays to myself. With this weekend being Memorial Day Weekend, it seems that a vast amount of people travel eastbound and head towards the marvelous A.O. It is quite possible that I will join this overwhelming group of people at some point during the weekend and participate in some social activities in the lovely city famously known as Ocean City. Ocean City, Maryland that is, because in my near 24 years of life, I have yet to find something lovely to ever come out of New Jersey.

If I do eventually decide to venture eastwards, it will be the first time since late last August, where I have had the opportunity to visit Ocean City, and hopefully this trip will surpass the last one. While, there was nothing I truly regret from the last trip, it was a bit lackluster, something that trips to Ocean City should never be, and also featured a rather painful and frightening moment, that I hopefully will not face again in the near future or ever, for that matter.

For most of last summer, Bo Brooks owned my life, so taking a few days off for rest and relaxation, was somewhat of an obstacle. Working 6 days a week, will do that too a person. To make matters worse, Bo Brooks also owned the life of my roommate, as he too fell victim to this 6 night a week lifestyle. Nevertheless, after some distinct finagling, Creech and I managed to have consecutive days off. With this in mind, we packed into Jacquie's car and were soon on our way and as one can quite possibly imagine, throw Creech, Jacquie, and I into a situation where we will be together for a period of over several hours, and you should pretty much assume that alcohol is within arm's reach. Add in the fact that Smedium was manning the steering wheel and this is almost as much of a sure thing as betting on the team that J expects to lose. I don't exactly remember what kind of adult beverages were in the car, but lets just say the four of us never went thirsty, Kayta was with us as well.

After several hours of driving, we found ourselves at the home of some kid who found means of employment by dressing up in pirate's outfits and enjoyed taking shot after shot of cheap Kentucky bourbon. There was also an ugly little dog in the house, that resembled a rat. After several rounds of the cheap Kentucky bourbon, we were all on our way to a fine establishment whose sole source of income relies on serving their patrons alcohol. Shortly upon my arrival to this fine establishment, I was having quite a splendid time, Creech approached me and said we were leaving to go to a party. Supposedly, he ran into these two skeezers from high school and they lived right down the street and had a couple kegs. I liked the idea, so I decided to part ways with this establishment, and hop a cab. However, when the cab reached it's final destination, we also stopped at a 7-11 for munchies, I was somewhat confused. The final destination of the cab brought us to the same house with the dog that resembled a rat, and the guy who makes money because he dresses like a pirate. At this point Creech began to explain to me how he couldn't be alone for more than a moment and needed someone to pass out with or something like that, I stopped listening after a matter of seconds. To be honest, I should have known better, it was only month's before that he told me Booboo was having a wild rager, when in reality he just wanted to watch the Hills. Either way, I was quite disappointed that my one chance to visit an Ocean City bar ended so abruptly.

The next day had all the potential to be a classic. Once again, we knew that Smedium would be driving, so once again, the four of us had a car stocked full of fun. We were also going to Seacrets, and as everyone knows quite well, there are few places, that offer the luxuries of Seacrets. After finding a spot where the five of us could enjoy some of the finer aspects of daytime drinking, I was sent off to check out, the price of jet ski rentals. Now, this is where things started to go downhill. Somehow, and to this day I'm still quite confused to how this exactly happened, on the walk to the jet ski booth I developed a rather fierce eye irritation. Within seconds, my vision became blurry, my eyes became more bloodshot than those of Ricky Williams, and I began stumbling all over Seacrets. With the guidance of a reggae superstar, I was directed to the bathroom, where I spent the next several hours washing my eyes out with water to try and cease the irritation. Now, I think it is safe to assume, that the majority of people who read this blog have never had the experience that one gets when they are forced to spend hours rinsing out their eyes with tap water in an overcrowded public bathroom. I even had multiple conversations with the bar manager, assuring him that I was alright and did not require medical assistance. This task eventually became quite bothersome and I just decided to man up and live with the flaw. I soon found out that walking blind is far from easy as it took me nearly twenty minutes to re-locate my posse. I kind of found a new spot in my heart for Hellen Keller that day. Once I returned, the four of them all found this to be quite amusing. In all seriousness, I could have mistaken Kayta for Creech, and that alone should show you the seriousness of my problem, because Kayta is far better looking than Creech ever will be, but despite my struggles and constant pain, I remained the center of attention and the focus of everyone's entertainment. The rest of the afternoon, I spent walking back and forth between the bathroom and our seat, rinsing my eyes repeatedly. My vision did not return to 100% till we were almost back in Baltimore and to this day, I still do not know what caused this sudden retina irritation, but I gravely hope it will never occur again.

As for the likelihood, of me returning to Seacret's that's a given. I will be spending four days at the beach in mid July, and I don't know whether I should be more scared than excited, because with the cast of people I will be traveling with, excessive drama and trouble seems likely to follow. As for this weekend, who knows, I tend to not make plans and just go with the flow and if that flow directs me towards the great A.O. , so be it. I just know one thing for sure, if it does direct me that way, I will most definitely being hangin ten and ready to shred some killer waves.

Damon returns from the ATL

After a brief hiatus in good ol' Atlanta, Damon returned to Towson last night. Not to my surprise, shortly upon returning to the Towson area, I found him sitting in the corner of the Kent, paying vivid attention to the over/under of the Celtics game, and of course, mocking J for the ridicoulous comments that J tends to make. Now, for those of you who have not had the fortune of meeting J, well, first of all, thank god, and secondly, graze back through the history of my blog and find the one titled "The Drunk Liar who Makes better Predictions than Jay. " Many of you will probably lack the motivation to do this, so I will cut to the chase and help all of you lazy bastards out, if you ever get blacked out drunk and make incoherent drunken statements based on no level of knowledge whatsoever for the purpose of solely entertaining yourself, you have a greater chance of being correct with that statement than anything J says on any given moment. To be honest, if the Kent were to one day attract a customer with a high level of morales,a general concern for the thoughts of others, one who goes out of his way to help the homeless, and stand up for those who are often ridiculed, the type of person that the Kent typically does not attract, I can almost guarantee you, that after several minutes of listening to the claims coming from J's mouth, that man would be seated next to Damon, wagering on college football, ripping shots, and joining in on the mockery. Finally, before I stop my rambling on J, I will leave you with some financial advice. If you ever do happen to stop in at the Kent Lounge, and you hear someone proudly proclaim that they have "the lock of the century" immediately, scroll through your phone book, find the one contact in that phone book that may able to get into a contact with a bookie, deplete your entire bank account, and go big against whatever team is supposed to be "the lock of the century."

During my brief visit at the Kent last night, baseball somehow became the topic of conversation, particularly, the man who hit two grand slams in one inning. My initial thought was Carlos Baerga, but he just hit two homeruns from two different sides of the plate, a feat that definitely deserves its own merit. This question, led us to talk about the great Mark Whitten, who was the last player to hit four homeruns in one game, and even brought forth talk of Jeff Manto, who hit four homeruns in four consecutive at bats for the Baltimore Orioles in the mid 1990's. What I found interesting about Manto, is if you do a google image, of Baltimore Oriole Jeff Manto, you are more likely to find pictures of Jeff Garcia, Jeff Smardzia, Kevin Millar, and a heavy set African American woman named Manto, who happens to work as a minister somewhere. I even found pictures of the great Don Corleone, but never found one of Manto in an O's jersey. I found this as strange, because Manto's bat has found itself a place in Cooperstown, but yet, even with the help of Al Gore's greatest invention, the world wide web, one can not find a picture of Manto sporting an O's jersey. Oh, and for those of you who care, it was Fernando Tatis that had two grand slams in one inning.

God is great,
Beer is good,
and people are crazy.