Lying to Random Strangers

I was at this crowded bar in Baltimore city this weekend, when a rather frail lady probably in her forties approached me and asked me something along the lines of why I was not dancing, or singing along to the song, they had playing over the loudspeakers. I told her it was the first time I had ever heard the song and attempted to go back to my business of speaking with the people I was with. However, for some reason, this was not an acceptable answer for the lady. According to her, this song was all the rage like 5 years ago, and that for it to be my first time hearing the song, I must have been from Ohio or somewhere were I guess rap music is not played, although I have a feeling that even in Ohio, rap music is played. Anyways, at this point I decided to have a little fun. I told her, that I was not from Ohio, but from Wyoming. At first, she did not seem to believe me, so she began to challenge me with several questions. The first question was if I'm really from Wyoming, what city or town did I grow up in, and I responded "Winchester.....it's about 20 miles south of Laramie." Now, I don't know if Winchester is an actual town in Wyoming, but I know the Cowboys play in Laramie, and I figured it was safe to assume that this lady knew neither one of those things. Her second and final question, was even worse. She said, "Well, if you really are from their you would know the park I checked out the one time, I was traveling out west, and went through Wyoming." I responded, "Was it Yellowstone?" Now, at this point she became uber excited and even smacked her friend on the arm to tell her friend that I was a country boy, born and raised in Wyoming. I'm not sure exactly why the fact that I knew Yellowstone was in Wyoming convinced her my statement was true, but it did. I mean in reality, all I did was guess the country's biggest and most well known National Park, but chances are I could have said "Rucker Park" and she would have been just as convinced. Nevertheless, we conversed for several more minutes, and I had to explain that I had been in Baltimore for five years now, and it had caused me to lose my accent. Eventually, the conversation began to dwindle, and the lady said "My friend is waving me to the dance floor, you should come find me." I looked at her and said with a smile "It's a possibility." At this point, I finished the rest of my indiscriminate light beer, closed my tabbed, and walked out of the bar, with the realization of how much fun it is to lie to complete strangers.

Several years ago, I flew down to West Palm Beach with my buddies Corey, Matt, and Josh. Josh's dad had a house down there, and we were set on enjoying the nice Florida weather, and a few days of rest and relaxation. At one point, we headed out to some night club. Being that we were out of town and wouldn't be seeing anyone we know, we decided to come up with some story about how we were traveling businessmen, and somehow we caught the attention of four attractive young females. As the four of us, start spreading out, each of us focusing on doing work, the stories became more and more complex. On our car ride home, which almost took us to Miami in a monsoon, we figured out that these girls probably would not be hanging out with us again like they were supposed to, because over the course of the night, I was an emerging 27 year old Title agent, who was taking my three employees out for training, and too look at new housing developments in the West Palm Area. Matt, was the Vice President, of a major Real Estate firm, in the Baltimore area and Josh was a Columbian drug lord, pedaling cocaine from Columbia to West Palm. We stayed down there for a few more days, a police lineup, and a 24 hour drive back to Baltimore, that revolved around breaking down in some god awful redneck town of a place, where they chase birds around with brooms, and reccomend going to a recreation center for a mechanic.


I logged onto Facebook, today, and couldn't help but notice all the people complaining about it being Monday. There were numerous "status updates" about people bitching about how theyhate Mondays and making it seem like their job is really that awful and I guess wanting some sort of sympathy from their devoted facebook stalkers. Seriously, you have just had the whole weekend off, to relax and do whatever it is that amuses you and now you have to bitch about going back into the place that pays your bills. I don't know maybe the bitching makes them feel better about themselves or something but it peturbs me. Now, I know you could come back and say something about how I would understand if I had a "real job" but I don't think I would. You have a job, you know your schedule, you choose to do it, get over it and stop your bitching. I just kept thinking the whole time of that scene in Office Space where Peter asks his neighbor Lawrence if anyone at his work ever says "Do you have a case of the Mondays" and Lawrence responds by saying no and if they did they would probably get their ass kicked. I'm not really sure of the exact quote, but it's something like that, and I didn't really have the motivation to look it up, but I'm sure you get my point.

Speaking of Facebook, I read today, where the Philadelphia Eagles, fired an employee after six years of dedicated hard work, for posting on facebook that the Eagles are idiots for letting go of Brian Dawkins. His actual post was "Dan is (expletive) devastated about Dawkins signing with Denver....Dam Eagles R Retarded." I found this amusing because, the Eagles ownership has kept Andy Reid around for more than six years, even though he has literally made the team look retarded on a national level of the past few years through his horrible use of the timeclock, poor play calling, and just looking like an ugly fat slob. But, if some guy working the gate says their retarded for letting go of one of the best safeties in the NFL, he gets the axe, via a phone call. Only in Philly, and just for the record, I also found it amusing because the guy couldn't even spell damn correctly, but that's another story, and probably why he's working the gate.